folkooc | Text From Last Night aka Tales From Folkmore

1. I take back everything! I don't even know how to nut!
2. I hope they end up together ... at the bottom of a well torn apart by animals.
3. I want to decide who lives and who dies.
4. A signed copy of the Necronomicon? "You guys scare me, HA HA HA - Satan"
5. Don't you worry your squishy little head about it.
6. Text him!

i. I am looking directly at you. Get off of the roof.

ii. Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls of these cabins are.

iii. Sorry I didn't get back to you right away, there was the -CUTEST- little family of ducks crossing the street and I wanted to make sure they got to the other side safely. Then that turned into a whole other thing and... well that's why it's been five hours.

iv. I made that picture of you my lock screen. Sorry.

1. Did we actually have a sword fight last night, or did I dream that? 2. Accidentally changed my keyboard to the one with just the pictures and I couldn't figure out how to swap it back for a bit. What are those for anyway? 3. No, I hadn't heard any of that. I'm only at camp on the weekends. 4. Text him!

1. nnnot sure exactly how i got on the roof, but don’t bother with the ladder. pretty sure i got this
2. not gonna lie, it was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at that point in the night
3. i’d start a bar fight with you any day
4. you said “hangovers are for mortals” and started chugging vodka
5. gay chicken or no, you know i never back down from a challenge
6. i hate you. i don’t remember why, but i hate you
7. text him

Edited 2022-07-22 14:24 (UTC)

i. There's bread in your mailbox, I'm going to eat it.

Nevermind, it's newspaper.

ii. Oh no... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again. I'm allergic to chocolate.

iii. Sure. We could dwell on that, you could waste time on a lecture that I may conveniently forget, or we could go get soft pretzels.

iv. Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.

1. one minute we were fighting, the next you were trying to put your hand down my pants.
2. sorry about bleeding all over your floor.
3. clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly i have no idea how you did that.
4. he just kept saying "come on, iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time.
5. who is this? you're in my contacts as fireball.

1. I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
2. I want an apology pizza says 'SORRY I'M A USELESS MORON' spelled out in pepperoni.
3. I'm playing a game called 'How Weird Can I Act Before A Guy Loses Interest'. Turns out most guys are DTF even if you're batshit crazy.
4. It's probably because of the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. Trust me. I have a PhD. Take a shot and you'll feel better.
5. If this jackass sings Chrissy, Wake Up one more time, I'm going to scream.
6. ( no text, just a picture of her feet in socks followed by a cashapp request for $600. )

1. I’d like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy.
2. I said I was cooking dinner and you just.....screamed.
3. You decided that walking wasn’t in the cards for you anymore, and when I picked you up you said you “always wanted to be a princess”...
4. Did you know that alcohol is flammable? You learn something new everyday.
5. I said HOT SAUCE. S-A-U-C-E. No one asked you to put a saw in the microwave!
6. Text him!

1. i'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife.
2. took 45 minutes to masturbate. fuck you zoloft im never getting diagnosed with depression again.
3. guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight.
4. i'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
5. i'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. save me some brisket.

HAZEL

Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
text her!

NATURA

Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
text her!

1. I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me.
2. He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment?
3. Where is the baby squirrel I found last night? I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere. did someone take him??
4. I think I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands.
5. text him!

1. Never work with children or animals.
2. I really thought I was doing something when I cut off every ladder and rope bridge. Forgot every second asshole can fly.
3. If this is a story from camp, don't tell me. I do not want to know.
4. There's something off with the exchange rate if I don't get paid more for enduring a conversation with you than for talking with anybody else.
5. Woke up rooted to the mattress by the spines growing out of my spine. Hell of a night.

1. I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.

2. If I die, sorry about rent.

3. He also deemed the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix as not an emergency. He's wrong.

4. Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning.

5. We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" parties.

6. He just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue!" I am still in total shock.

7. A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone.

8. I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store.

9. I just want more string cheese in my life.

10. Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/not dying?

WILD. Text him! Misfires to or from are okay.

1. You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain". I wasn't going to deny your happiness.

2. In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.

3. I'm not going to drink any more, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there.

4. Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night. That was super inconsiderate of me.

5. At one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.

6. Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway.

7. Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night.

8. I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.

9. I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?

10. I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.

WILD. Text him. Misfires to or from him are fine.

1. I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.

2. To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you.

3. It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.

4. I have the relationship skills of a rock and I could've said this was a bad idea.

5. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?

6. How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Russian. No time to explain, just tell me.

7. I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining things without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift.

8. That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".

9. I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me.

10. On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.

WILD. Text him or misfire or have a misfire from him - anything's fine.

1. It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.

2. He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.

3. I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...

4. I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?

5. I was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...

6. Text her!

1. Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.

2. We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.

3. A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at men.

4. The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.

5. Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.

6. Text her!

1. Fork. Foooooork. Fork you. Fork. Fung-shui. Funions. Funk.

Fork. Why can't I swear here!!!

2. I keep thinking this is the bad place but the sex is too good tbh. Also there are nachos.

3. u gringo

4. if you walk into a bar and someone hands you a shot and says happy birthday. you. take it.

5. javelina are just like desert raccoons that could murder you it's nbd

1. i found a random door in the backroom, hiding behind stuff

2. It is definitely a pantsless day

3. i mean, its just random ass energy blobs

4. Drinking wine, My determined face 😠

5. Wildcard

1. You called.... I watched it ring.

2. Right... tying my shoes... it's Jason Bourne time.

3. I was dazzled by how you liked when you dance.

4....royal crablettes...

5. Wildcard

1. You can't use 'it's for science' as an excuse to drink nothing but coffee for 72 hours.

2. Did you try to cook? The kitchen looks like a failed grave robbery.

3. Apparently, I designed an entire aircraft last night while blackout drunk. I have no recollection of that happening, but the math written on my walls seems accurate.

4. You tried to draw the periodic table on my chest, insisting that all of it would fit. I'm angrier about you being right that the fact you used a permanent marker.

5. 'You'd rather go home and stare at your rock collection than socialize' -- Yes, yes, I'd like that. Why do you make it sound like it's a bad thing? Some of my rocks are very pretty. Magical even.

1. Just so we’re clear... I really did think I was dying last night. 2. If you saw a raccoon this morning… That wasn’t the raccoon you’re looking for. 3. Got high and went straight for the Doritos. Am I some walking cliche? 4. Watching them try to flirt is pretty painful. Think we can make a drinking game out of it? Shot each time someone says "So" and pauses for more than five seconds. 5. I can’t believe we lost the easiest round of “Who Am I?” because you don’t know who Han Solo is… 6. I REPEAT. Journey's Faithfully playing in the background while you're making out is not, and I quote, "keeping this casual." 7. Or text him!

1. I want to snuggle with you and get high all weekend that's just where I'm at right now

2. You just kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like babysitting a broken pull-string doll.

3. Sorry I kicked you in the face earlier. I don't think either of us knew that trying to do the perfect cheer would be such a disaster.

4. I woke up with dirt and grass stuck all over me. What did we DO last night?

5. You're way too against the idea of a pet raccoon, okay? I think you might be jealous something is taking attention away from you.

1. Nothing, sorry. I started having feelings about stuff and I freaked out. You can delete those messages.

2. I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.

3. If they made a shrine then it's definitely creepy.

4. I came into this world screaming while covered in someone else's blood and I'm not afraid to leave it the same way.

5. (text him)

1. I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
2. I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
3. Cute but not useful
4. Wow, looks like floor!
5. Text her.

Junpei Yoshino | Jujutsu Kaisen | Familiar

Natsume Takashi | Natsume Yuujinchou