folkooc | Monthly Texts From Last Night Meme

yes. that is why we have typing quirks. we're very thematic m0r0ns. h0ld 0n.

(He takes a selfie. Admittedly it's kind of completely off-center and not...the best selfie- but he's blind okay. Either way, it gets the point across with his dual horns and symbol and everything.)

n0. tr0lls d0 n0t d0 that kind 0f thing f0r mental health.

d0esn't have t0 be y0u.

eheh. that's n0t a bad thing t0 be. i can be stubb0rn t00.

[Sollux is he first troll Kyle has ever seen, and he studies the picture carefully. It's far from off-putting - guy looks a little like a dork, honestly.]

oh i see. well you look very nice.

what do you do, then? just suffer?

it kinda does sometimes tho.

yeah?

(He is the biggest fucking dork.)

i guess i have t0 take y0ur w0rd f0r it. i have n0 fucking idea what i l00k like anym0re l0l. what d0 y0u l00k like? use vivid descript0rs my awareness 0f human aesthetics is extremely limited. i d0 kn0w humans can have the dark hair and the pale hair.

yes.

y0u c0uld always fuck 0ff fr0m whatever is ann0ying.

yes. i can be d0wnright insufferable ab0ut it.

you do! like obviously you're a different species and stuff but you have nice bone structure and your horns are cool.

oh, ok. i'm 6'2" and kinda skinny. i have really, REALLY curly hair, but it's not dark or light, it's red. my nose is big and i have really thick eyebrows.

that's kinda bullshit. i wonder if you could take human meds.

you say that like it's remotely easy to do.

me too, honestly.

0h. thank y0u. my teeth are really ann0ying th0ugh. they give me a really ann0ying lisp s0 when s0me0ne punches them 0ut it's kind 0f a fav0r.

d0 y0u really like my h0rns?

w0w. y0u're tall. i'm like 5'8 which isn't that bad but 6'2" is way better. red. that's what my 0ne eye c0l0r used t0 be. red is 0ne 0f the best c0l0rs ever. y0u s0und c00l l00king.

i have n0 fucking idea. it's pr0bably f0r the best if i d0n't risk it. i'm kind 0f basically a nuclear react0r.

yea ...y0u g0t me with that. it's especially hard if s0me0ne is being really fucking stupid.

y0u get it.

aw that's not the worst thing ever tho.

yeah dude! man all the other humans who showed up here got wicked body mods like horns and ears and wings and i got nothing.

being tall is one of the only things i've got going for me. whoa, really? what was the other one?
and thanks. i'm kinda a big dork tho.

like for seriously? physically?

exactly. SOMEONE has to do this shit.

i do.

trust me. y0u haven't heard me talk in real life. it s0unds awful.

well, i didn't get anything new either s0 we're b0th duds f0r 0ur races heh.

blue. b0th s0lid. i never had pupils 0r anything.

0h yeah i already figured 0ut that part ab0ut y0u.

yes. my bl00d caste has psi0nic abilities. we're n0rmally enslaved f0r dipshit higher-ups s0 we can p0wer their dumb crap

y0u are c00l. i am glad y0u texted me back while i was getting eaten 0ut. y0u're a br0.

I bet you sound kinda cute. like a little vampire!

ok i'm actually comforted by that. people here got upgraded genitals!

oh my god you had 3d glasses eyes, of course! that sounds cool looking tho.

guess it's obvious, heh.

that's some dystopian shit dude. caste systems? no fucking way. i'm glad you're out of that at least.

i'm still sorry that guy wasn't any good at it.

are y0u mentally demented? n0 0ne thinks a lisp s0unds cute.

what the fuck. what. seri0usly? this is such a fucking rip0ff.

it was fucking baller yes. besides the terrible visi0ns that haunted my entire existence.

just a little.

yeah. tr0lls are s0rted int0 bl00d types. my typing quirk is the c0l0r 0f my bl00d. all tr0lls tend t0 represent their bl00d 0penly. except karkat because he's an insecure wiggler. it was s0 lame th0ugh i can't entirely fault him i guess.

it's fine. i d0n't kn0w what i was expecting. guys suck at eating s0me0ne 0ut. n0t me, but m0st d0.

shut up some people do.

yes! fucking strider got the cock of doom and i'm sitting here looking like the poster boy for the average circumcision.

yeah aside from that. that part sucks ass.

why? is his the lowest caste?
also blood type is so like
nobody can help that. it's so stupid.

really?

yes. mentally deranged pe0ple.

(No why is he laughing again. Why were human males...funny...He's actually kind of drooling too he's laughing so hard.)

0f fucking c0urse he did. why n0t make the h0t humans h0tter? what the fuck is a circumcisi0n?

y0u d0n't even kn0w man. it was the pits.

n0. it's kind 0f shitty f0r me t0 talk ab0ut his bl00d type s0 i'm n0t g0ing t0 say, but he has an unusual bl00d type let's just say and he prefers t0 keep it private by making everything he types grey.

yup basically. it's a fucked system.

that's what i have heard. and s0 far, experienced. then again girls aren't that much better at it either. maybe i'm just an assh0le.

or people who find it charming!

right?! it's cosmically unfair.
oh when you're a baby they cut off your foreskin.

is there a lot of lasting trauma? like nightmares and shit?

has anyone ever tried to overthrow it?

are these all other trolls?

mentally. deranged.

what
the fuck
is a f0reskin

babies are micr0 humans right. my humanese is shit s0metimes.

yeah. but i just try t0 c0pe. tr0lls have a traumatic existence. we're inherently very vi0lent and enc0uraged t0 be m0re vi0lent by 0ur fucked nightmares and dumb issues. it's this wh0le thing.

yes, actually. karkat's ancest0r and my ancest0r and s0me 0f 0ur friends ancest0rs did l0ng ag0. it did n0t w0rk.

yeah.

only slightly.

oh, yeah, babies are very young humans. and a foreskin is this skin that covers the tip of your dick. some people cut it off for religious reasons, which i know is objectively dumb as fuck.

that does not sound healthy at all.

could always try again.

not sure why i'm depressed that bad head exists across all species. i guess because it indicates a lack of communication and effort.

oh my glob.

w0w i actually f0rg0t my typing quirk f0r a sec0nd. s0 y0u skin y0ur baby's genitals? that's barbaric as fuck
i kind 0f have t0 respect it actually

s0 wait i g0t g0bsmacked here with the penis details. d0 y0u have the skinned penis t00? d0es strider? is it weird t0 ask human males ab0ut this?

that's kind 0f what we did with 0ur game sessi0n. 0ur race was pretty much 0bliterated and we were in the pr0cess 0f rep0pulating. 0r i sh0uld say kanaya and karkat were figuring that shit 0ut.

yes. and a lack 0f the right c0nnecti0n. it c0uld als0 just be me. i'm kind 0f frigid and difficult t0 stimulate i think.

yeah it kinda is. like i don't think it's traumatic, generally? but it's pretty unnecessary. it really caught on for 'cleanliness' with americans for quite a while but it's bullshit.

i do, yeah. it's part of my religion. dirk doesn't, no. and not that weird, actually, at least among friends.

whoa. that's heavy shit. i hope they figure it out.

i doubt you're frigid. you probably just need a connection, yeah. like someone who can maybe be a little patient and experimental.

that's weird. what the fuck is americans

i have t0 write d0wn all this essential penis inf0. 0kay. c00l. d0 y0u want t0 ask me ab0ut my genitals? is this a trade 0ff thing

if y0u ever meet them d0 n0t repeat this but they are b0th ann0yingly capable and intelligent. they were 0ur best bets at acc0mplishing this s0 i'm glad it was them and n0t s0me 0f 0ur 0ther m0r0nic waste 0f life friends.

n0 i really am a fucking prick. y0u are pr0bably als0 right in that. i have m0stly had shall0w tumultu0us relati0nships. i have n0t been mentally stable en0ugh f0r m0st healthy relati0nships and my m0rtality has a h0rrible track rec0rd and being the mage of d00m is fucky s0 it's a l0t 0f bad g0ing against me like fucking always.

ugh like here i am bitching ab0ut my r0mantic hist0ry with s0me rand0m guy i just met. wait. assuming y0u are a guy, actually. i didn't mean t0 assume y0ur gender like that. my bad.

oh sorry. america is a country. it's where i'm from.

uhm you said you had a nook? so i assume it's an opening?

i understand that feeling. and i promise to keep it secret on the slim chance i do.

that actually is a lot not in your favour. but you seem like you're more stable now, so that might make a difference.

oh it's ok. yeah i'm a guy. are you? i kinda assumed too based on your picture.

0kay c00l i can remember that. pr0bably. i'm fr0m alternia which is the planet.

yep. all tr0lls have a n00k and a bulge. the bulge is kind 0f like a tentacle. i'm a little unusual since i have tw0 and m0st tr0lls just have 0ne. th0ugh it's n0t that sh0cking. my t0ngue is f0rked t00. it's the wh0le fucking theme thing again.

thanks. i will kill y0u if y0u d0 n0t. 0r at least t0rment y0u f0r ten years.

yeah but 0nly because i turned my 0wn fucking eyes int0 pulverized jam. there is kind 0f a weird c0smic buzz in my head but it's better than what was there bef0re.

really? (That makes Sollux smile a little bit.)

yes. i identify as male. thank you.

man the universe is so vast. i've never even heard of alternia.

so essentially gender is like, even more of a construct for you guys? if everyone has the same equipment. that's cool. god don't tell strider about your tentacle situation, you'll o on his sexy bingo card. he literally has one, dude.

i'm used to that.

OK true. and that sucks. but at least you were proactive about it.

really.

no problem, dude.

yeah well we technically created y0ur universe. alth0ugh i believe there are different branches 0f meta we can't c0unt f0r.

it's kind of a c0nstruct and kind 0f m0re c0mplex than it seems t0 be f0r humans. we have a wider variety 0f gendered traits. s0me female tr0lls devel0p thicker chest plates which i guess l00ks similar t0 h0w human females have wider chests. females tend t0 be m0re aggressive and vi0lent. 0ur ruler is always a female fuschia bl00d.

i guess we d0 n0t c0ntain all 0f 0ur gender stuff t0 0ur genitalia the way humans d0. i was technically b0rn "female" by tr0ll standards but whatever. i guess my b0dy is a l0t m0re slender than the b0rn males 0f my kind. i m0stly try t0 ign0re the differences. alth0ugh it is pr0bably why my hair l00ks better than m0st 0f my male friends l0l.

0h g0d. i w0n't. i fully believe that. humans are such weird0s ab0ut sex.

y0u are a l0t less ann0ying than m0st humans i have met.

if y0u ever want t0 g0 d0wn 0n me i pr0mise i w0n't scr0ll f0xi :P (Sollux!! Don't be crude.)

so the big bang theory is horseshit?

does anyone give you shit about being born female?

what i'm hearing is you're an alien twink, dude.
your hair is super nice. i'm jealous.

we are but he's really horned up in particular.

thank you!

i'm actually pretty confident i could do better than that other guy. i'm very competitive.

basically. c0ngratulati0ns y0u are the pr0duct 0f s0me idi0t tr0ll children playing a vide0 game.

n0t really. i was lucky. my lusus always was g00d ab0ut n0t misgendering me 0r using my deadname. being an em0ti0nally unstable p0wer keg kind 0f keeps pe0ple in line heh.

0mg. hehe. thank y0u. i will take twink. what d0es that make y0u?

yeah. the striders are really obsessed with that shit.

w0w. (He's not blushing...!)

that was actually really sm00th what the fuck. c0l0r me intrigued. heh.

honestly not much weirder than being the product of a god who is like 'you're my chosen people so i am going to fuck you EXTRA hard.'

what's a lusus is that like a guardian?

i'm a hot mess tbh. by human standards i'm not very attractive tbh. and people don't like redhead guys much.

god the other one is too? great.

can't lie, that's probably the smoothest i have ever been or ever will be lol. but you're the first alien i've ever met who wasn't like, super weird.

is that y0ur real g0d in y0ur universe? s0unds lame.

yeah basically. cust0dian. it's basically a giant m0nster that half raises us while we partially raise them. like. z00keepers. teaches us resp0nsibility and shit.

i'm blind s0 it's n0t really like y0ur l00ks matter 2 me. *t0
damn it

why d0n't they like redhead guys?

i haven't really talked t0 either 0f them extensively but i kn0w dave had a thing f0r excessive dick j0kes. karkat said it was the pr0duct 0f internalized h0m0ph0bia whatever the fuck that is.

i'm pretty sure i c0nstitute as super weird. is y0ur 0ffer 0n the 0ral sex legit th0?

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