folkooc | Monthly Texts From Last Night Meme

honestly not much weirder than being the product of a god who is like 'you're my chosen people so i am going to fuck you EXTRA hard.'

what's a lusus is that like a guardian?

i'm a hot mess tbh. by human standards i'm not very attractive tbh. and people don't like redhead guys much.

god the other one is too? great.

can't lie, that's probably the smoothest i have ever been or ever will be lol. but you're the first alien i've ever met who wasn't like, super weird.

is that y0ur real g0d in y0ur universe? s0unds lame.

yeah basically. cust0dian. it's basically a giant m0nster that half raises us while we partially raise them. like. z00keepers. teaches us resp0nsibility and shit.

i'm blind s0 it's n0t really like y0ur l00ks matter 2 me. *t0
damn it

why d0n't they like redhead guys?

i haven't really talked t0 either 0f them extensively but i kn0w dave had a thing f0r excessive dick j0kes. karkat said it was the pr0duct 0f internalized h0m0ph0bia whatever the fuck that is.

i'm pretty sure i c0nstitute as super weird. is y0ur 0ffer 0n the 0ral sex legit th0?

yup. i'm jewish and our god is frankly kinda a total dick.

is it an animal?

ok point but still. i wouldn't want to lie to you.

we're sort of a genetic aberration, i guess. redheaded girls are either hated or fetishized, but guys are mostly just universally disliked.

oh, yeah. humans are kinda bad for that. the internalized homophobia, i mean.

i admit i'm not really usually one for casual hookups but like
you ARE a hot alien? when will i get that chance again?

jewish?

basically. m0re like a m0nster. human animals are much gentler than 0urs.

yeah, i d0n't think y0u w0uld, actually. y0u seem like a c00l en0ugh guy.

0h. that's fucked up. well i like y0u just fine. i bet the red isn't even that bad.

apparently. that sucks. tr0lls are all naturally int0 all genders. i guess s0me have preferences but m0stly n0 0ne cares ab0ut that stuff.

heh. y0u are cute and smart. pr0bability is l0w f0r b0th 0f us. i've always w0ndered what my friends saw in the cr0ss species appeal. d0 y0u want t0 c0me 0ver?

yeah, it's a human religion/culture.

ok i'm picturing like godzilla.

thank you.

it's the combo of red AND curly that really seals my fate, i think.

it's getting better slowly? like humans are still shitty but we can at least have conversations now about sexuality and gender.

yeah. yeah that would be cool.

huh. wild. religi0n is s0 weird. g00d t0 kn0w th0.

l0l that's n0t c0mpletely 0ff base. imagine a very white g0dzilla. 0ur lusus and beasts are all white like b0nes.

huh. curly is c00l th0ugh. i'll have t0 feel it f0r myself.

better than tr0lls f0r bl00d then haha. but we just like any excuse t0 fuck each 0ther up i think.

c00l. i have n0 fucking idea where i am technically. i think i am in will0w. but like...h0ld 0n. i'm g0nna just.

(Gently hack Kyle's phone to pull up a GPS like app on his phone and imput his location correlating to wherever Sollux's Relic is transmitting from. There ya go, buddy. A one way route to a good alien dicking.)

it really fucking is, dude.

whoa. that's striking, honestly.

i'm giving you permission to laugh at it.

huh ok that's a point. god so much sentient life is focused on turning everything into a power-over situation. we're so stupid.

oh, dope. i'm close to the lakes. i shouldn't be long.

[He sits there a moment, letting it sink in that he's really going to do this. Who the fuck IS he, lately?

Someone sick of being overlooked, maybe. So he gets his ass in gear.

i think i'm here.

y0u are really d0rky heh.

thank y0u. i w0uld have laughed anyway if i wanted t0 but i appreciate that. i'm sure i w0n't.

right? fucking dumb as bricks. we sh0uld all just be 0bliterated and let salamanders take 0ver. their simple c0gnitive skills are superi0r purely by virtue 0f n0t being ann0ying as fuck.

sweet.

(Sollux lives in an alarmingly cozy little cottage surrounded by wildflowers and bees. It's not exactly what one might picture a violent alien to reside in, but this Sollux was hoping for a quieter, calmer life and he liked the company of bees.

He wasn't really one for casual hook-ups either but he can't help but be curious about this human Kyle guy.

Sollux has moved himself outside onto the bench in the front. Big purple bees are humming around his head and he seems happy with their company. His ears prick up at the chime from his Relic. Instead of responding, he speaks up:)

Hello?

yeah. i am.

it's ok if you do.

some days i completely agree with you.

[Kyle looks over at the voice, smiling when he sees the same face from the photo he'd been sent. In person Sollux actually looks cute as hell, if completely alien. He walks over.]

Hey, dude! This place is awesome.

[He stops just a little in front of Sollux, actually a little less nervous than he thought he'd be because Sollux can't actually see him.]

Hi. Thankth.

(His lisp is immediately evident but the reason why it exists is obvious too: the dude has some serious fangs protruding from his mouth and an actual split tongue. Who the hell wouldn't have a lisp under those conditions?

He stares at Kyle sightlessly, his ears twitching slightly and nose twitching as he leans onto other senses to make sure he was looking in the right direction.

He raises a hand, clawed fingers and rather thin in shape, and reaches out to touch Kyle's chest.)

It thmelled nithe tho I figured there would be a lot of beeth. (Hand idly drifting over Kyle's body to get a feel of how big he actually was. His other hand comes up and he's careful as he scopes out Kyle's neck, jawline. When he gets to his ears, he marvels over the round shape rather than the pointed shape. Then Kyle's nose- which he outright squeezes.)

Heh. Thith ith cute.

You like bees?

[Kyle is immediately enchanted by the minute movements of Sollux's nose and ears, and then again by his hands. The claws and fangs certainly look dangerous, but he doesn't flinch when Sollux moves close and touches him.

He stays still, suddenly quite aware of his heartbeat. When his nose is squeezed he laughs.]

Thanks. You've got nice hands.

Dude. Beeth are my fuckin' thing. Back on Alternia, I had hiveth of them. I'm trying to recreate beehiveth here too.

(He could nerd on forever about bees. For now, he has a cute guy in his hands that he is more focused on. He smiles when Kyle laughs, deciding he likes the sound of it rather quickly, and his hands carefully move up. He's careful of his claws around Kyle's eyes and moves to his hair.

Oh. It is curly. His expression transforms into a look of genuine wonder. Trolls mostly had dense, straight hair. Some wavy. Aradia's had been a bit like sheep's wool. This wasn't that coarse, but...He moves his fingers through it and then...

Promptly gets a claw tangled.)

Agh-! Thit - thorry-

(He...is...turning a bit golden in the face.)

Really? That's so cool. Yeah, I bet you could get supplies to make a whatcacallit, apiary?

[Kyle's a little better about how haircare now than when he was a kid - he used conditioner now, anyway, - but the curls on top of his head remain tight and unruly.

He snorts.]

It's okay, I should have warned you. Hang on...

[His hands move over Sollux's, disentangling them with a practiced ease.]

You think this is bad, you should have felt it when I used to wear it longer.

I think it'th my clawth- (And being blind and messy. Whoops. He smiles when Kyle untangles his hand though.)

Thankth. I like how it feelth.

(He kind of wanted to put his hand right back in but resists the urge.)

You theem really cute to me. I like how big you are. It ith imprethive. Do you wanna go inthide? It'th probably a meth. (He......has not gotten his hands on a cane yet. So!)

Yeah, it is.

[Which seem like very nice claws to Kyle - they make Sollux's hands look weirdly elegant. And his lisp somehow does not make him think of Scott Malkinson.]

Well, I'm tall. Not like, jacked or anything. ['Impressive' he says! That makes Kyle all warm and happy.]

Yeah, sure. I'm sure it's not that bad.

You're really cute, too. You blush gold?

(Thank fuck for small miracles. It probably helps having some weird alien accent going along with it.)

Bigger than me. (Sollux smiles toothily up at Kyle. He liked that. He had never cared all that much about looks in general. It was about the person.)

It probably lookth like a blind troll tried to organize thit.

(So!

At being called cute, he grins wider.)

Who the fuck thaid I'm bluthing? (He absolutely is! He slides his hands away from Kyle but a moment later he holds Kyle's bicep lightly.)

The door ith unlocked if you want to lead the way.

(It...would be easier. He wasn't used enough to his own home to feel confident in moving around in it on his own. If he led he would just walk into a wall.)

But...I do have gold. Tho if I theoretically bluthed it would be gold.

[Vagiely Nordic lispiness. It's oddly charming. Like that toothy smile, which Kyle can't help but return.]

Okay, probably. But I'm not gonna judge you for THAT.

[He puts a hand over Sollux's, because he's a gentleman. He begins walking toward the door.]

Sure.

Right, you're not blushing, but if you DID, it would be like your blood colour. Makes sense.

Edited 2022-05-30 06:10 (UTC)

You should.

(Wow. He is a gentleman. He walks close with Kyle into his home.

He wasn't wrong. Everything was...weirdly placed and arranged. Plenty of broken things from him attempting to hang something or put something down on a table that wasn't where he thought it was.

There wasn't much in general though. He was still too new to have settled in much.)

Exactly.

(He points at the opposite side of the room the couch is at - a big plush purple couch.)

We can hang on the couch. I don't have a bed. (Yet.)

Nope. Maybe if it's a dump in like, a year. Then I'll judge.

[Kyle looks around, curious. The house is pretty clearly gradually going to be organized in a way that doesn't require sight, which is interesting.]

Oh, sure.

[He leads Sollux carefully to the couch.]

You gonna get one? And can I get you a drink or anything? Do you eat human food?

It'll probably thill be methy but probably not a dump.

(Though catch him in a bad depressive episode and anything was possible...! He's relieved when they get to the couch and moves to sit himself down.)

I dunno. Trollth thleep differently than humanth. We thleep in thlime but I doubt I will be able to replicate that here. I wath probably jutht going to make a pile or thoming to thleep in.

(SHRUG.)

I'm good. You can get water though if you want. But you will have plenty to drink thoon enough. (Sollux smirks at his own crude joke just now. Disgusting. He was definitely one of the less prude trolls out there.)

Yeah, kind of. I can't eat onionth. But I mothtly eat bugth.

I'm sure it'll be fine. [Kyle would probably recognize that train for a mess - his best friend had depression, after all.]

Slime? Huh. That's... wet. A pile of what, just like blankets and stuff?

[WOW. He goes pink, but of course Sollux can't see that. Which is kind of a relief.]

Right, uhm. A lot of liquid, yeah? Hence the bucket.

Bugs are cool. On earth they say that might be our best bet for like, environmentally conscious protein.

Whatever, really. My one thitty friend had a pile of bike hornth he thlept on.

(It was actually weirdly comfortable.

Sollux might not be able to see, but he looks a bit smug regardless like he could see the look on Kyle's face. He snickers.)

If you do a good job of it, yeah. I don't mind if we thpill a little.

(He's so nasty. There's a bit of a golden hue on his own cheeks.)

Wow. Yeah. Probably becauthe of the rapid reproduction rate and low emithionth. (But like. He tips his head.)

Are you gonna thit down next to me or are you gonna keep on making thmall talk?

That sounds loud.

Right, right.

[Fuck. He's not smooth. He curses himself for being an idiot asshole as he sits down.]

Sorry. I. Yeah, sorry. Nervous. The last time I had a casual hookup it was induced by magic lightning and involved a lot of punching.

(Sollux giggles at Kyle's flustered voice and words. He moves to sit on his curled knees, facing Kyle.)

Thoundth hot.

(He rubs at his own cheek, contemplative. He already lost one tooth today, so like...)

Did you want to be violent with me? (Genuinely asking. Like this isn't a big deal - which, to be fair, for trolls, it isn't.)

It was.

[He shifts so he can gage Sollux better, scooting a little closer.]

No. No, not really, unless that's what you'd like. I kinda just want to make up for the last guy who was here.

You're really cute.

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kyle gettin boned up for trolls in all universes he meets em is a good song

It IS!

Re: It IS!

Re: It IS!

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