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October 2022 Test Drive Meme
OCTOBER 2022 TDM
INTRODUCTION
Welcome to Folkmore's monthly Test Drive Meme! Please feel free to test drive any and all characters regardless of your intent to apply or whether you have an invite or not.
All TDMs are game canon. You can choose to have your TDM thread be your introduction thread upon acceptance or start fresh. Each TDM will provide a scenario for how characters arrive in-game that particular month.
Playing TDMs will allow characters to immediately obtain canon items from homes especially weapons or other things they may have had on their person when they were pulled from their worlds! There will always be a prompt that provides some sort of "reward" to characters who complete certain tasks.
Current players are allowed to have in-game characters react to TDMs via the Network or make a log with the prompts. Current players are always encouraged to tag new people on the TDM!
TDM threads can be used for spoon spending at any time by characters accepted into the game.
Content Warnings: Possible insanity via freezing. Temporary nullification of abilities.
COLD AS YOU
KEEP YOUR BRITTLE HEART WARM
COLD AS YOU
You were falling...
The world snaps into place all at once; you are laying on the ground, surrounded on all sides by towering bushes that stretch up towards a beautiful sunset sky. The bushes were clearly flowered at one point, but now the flowers have died and all that remains are browning leaves that are beginning to fall. On the chill air you can sometimes hear the sound of music, too faint to completely determine.
As you stand, you are filled with an intense desire to find someone. You might have an idea of who, but chances are you do not - you just know that somewhere ahead of you is someone that you need to reach. Whether they are friend or lover or enemy remains to be seen.
You wander the maze. If you're the impatient type and you have the ability, you might try to fly out but you will simply be vaulted right back down if you do. Something clearly expects you to play by rules which were never actually explained. As you move through the twisting passages of nature, you will notice that there is a frost creeping along the branches on either side of you. This frost brings a deep chill with it, and it encourages you to move faster, to find that nameless person now now now! If you take a very long time to wander the maze you may very well be on the verge of freezing and half mad with the desire to find someone. If you try to force your way through the bushes, the frost will crawl over your limbs and inspire both the freezing and near madness at once.
When you find your Person, the cold evaporates. The air suddenly feels merely crisp, and the leaves on the bushes seem more vibrant. The two of you now can focus on finding the way out - so much easier now - but any sense of urgency will have passed and you may just walk for hours, talking and sharing things about yourselves.
It is possible to solve the maze alone, but it is much easier (and more pleasant!) with someone else.
KEEP YOUR BRITTLE HEART WARM
When you exit the hedge maze you will find a stunning display of lights: hundreds of candles and lanterns decorate the ground and hang from trees, illuminating a clear path over a gently sloping hill. When you crest the hill you can look down and see a beautiful hot spring sprawled out below. It too is lit up by hundreds of lights, all of them glowing under the late autumn sky as it darkens towards night. There are changing rooms where you can stash your clothes (yes, there are bathing suits for the very shy) and bathing stations to ensure that you are clean before entering.
The water of the springs soothes madness and heals physical injuries or any frostbite that may have been sustained in the maze. It also relaxes you, making you perhaps more likely to open up to anybody else present.
The hot spring is staffed by many mice. They don't speak, but they squeak to one another in such a way that it sounds like they are singing - high lilting chants that seem to promise that everything will be okay. They are happy enough to band together to bring you towels or hot tea. The spring is open 24/7, always with lights to fight the cold and darkness of winter.
Content Warnings: Monster sighting, optional violence.
GLITCH
BAD OMEN
GLITCH
Folkmore has trains and of course the cat bus, but it also has roads, mostly utilized by horses and bicycles. Maybe you're looking for the convivence store, or maybe you just like walking. However it happens, you find yourself on a lonely road at dusk. It is unusually quiet, almost as if the world is holding its breath.
Suddenly you hear the sound of wings. A man-sized creature soars above you, something with huge red glowing eyes. It drops something at your feet: a walkie-talkie. The creature lands some distance away, staring at you, and a thought arises unbidden in your mind:
Help them.
The walkie crackles and you can hear someone speaking, asking if anyone is there. It is another Star Child, brought into this trial as well. They are in danger somewhere nearby; maybe stuck on the edge of a cliff, or trapped on a rope bridge - whatever it is, they need someone else to help them get to safety. If they have any powers, they have been temporarily nullified, but if the rescuer has powers they remain intact. That's where you come in! Using the walkie you must communicate with one another so that the rescuer can reach the person in trouble in time!
But what if you don't make it in time? Or decide that you're not the hero type? Well. The rescue-ee will suffer a terrible fate... for a few seconds. Then the entire world fuzzes and resets, but this time the roles have been reversed. Both parties will remember what has already happened, so if you just ran off into the woods with no intent of helping the first time you miiiight get your just desserts! This process will repeat over and over, people switching sides every time, until someone is finally rescued or the sun rises. Whichever comes first!
If you do succeed at a rescue, you will hear the rustle of huge wings once more. This time you don't see the mysterious creature, but you will find a mystery trunk. Inside you will each find some of your canon clothes and a canon item. Looks like teamwork is rewarded! Nearby, there will also be some unenchanted weapons sticking out of the ground: basic swords, guns, shields, etc.
BAD OMEN
You don't necessarily have to have completed the rescue trial to get some goodies, though! Those aforementioned weapons are scattered all over Folkmore. But if you just go to grab any of them you'd better be prepared to fight; after all, nothing comes for free!
As soon as you have pulled a weapon out of the ground, a tall, man in a black suit and hat will appear from seemingly nowhere and attack you. He has no weapons but he is extremely strong. He's also just really creepy - his face looks like it might be fake, somehow. The only way he can be killed is with a wound to the heart - any other supposedly mortal injury will result in another man in black appearing. It is possible for someone with no combat training to beat these creatures, but they really might appreciate a little help from someone with more experience!
The good news is that they won't mess up your clothes any, as none of these creatures bleed. Because that is totally normal.
Good luck!
cold as you
In this maddening maze and the settling darkness, Tech's heart leaps with joy. Jaskier is here, too! Somehow they found a way out of hell. Somehow they did it. Maybe it was as simple as wishing it to happen. Maybe this is Jaskier's world. His world is apparently full of weird magic, so it's not outside the realm of possibility, is it? Tech doesn't know, but that's not the important part. The important part is following that beautiful baritone he'd come to know so well. It leads Tech Boy around twists and turns until he stumbles across the bard -- stepping forward without truly looking, seeing without seeing. Tech rushes forward to toss his arms around Jaskier with an elated laugh. ]
We did it! Somehow we did it!
[ The maze itself doesn't matter. Nor does finding a way out of it. What matters is Jaskier was right about love finding a way. Doesn't Tech feel like a fool for doubting him? For thinking there had to be more than just love. That they had to fight for the thing they wanted, the life they wanted.
He draws back to cradle Jaskier's cheeks with his hands, but fingers flinch away as he finally sees what he'd refused to see before. The hairstyle is the biggest change, but there are other subtleties too. An absence of fine lines, a doe-eyed and childlike innocence, and the clothes. What is he wearing?
He steps back as though burned, staring at Jaskier as though he could will away the clear lack of recognition on his face. No. No, no. Not this. Not like this. ]
I, uh. Sorry. I confused you for someone else.
[ He draws in a shaky breath and takes a backtracking step to the nearest tree. The world feels unsteady and he needs a moment to brace himself from the cruel sucker punch hope had given him. ]
no subject
[But he's just attentive enough that when the other pulls away so quickly and awkwardly and there seems to be an underlying pain in that look he's giving Jaskier right now that he isn't bogged down by confusion. Even if he does stand there a bit awkwardly for a moment after the other has withdrawn from him and returned to Jaskier his personal space, the warmth of the embrace seeming to linger in the air as the freeze in the air is gradually shifting back to a crisp chill.]
Oh, no need to apologize. It happens all the time. I appear to just have one of those faces, you see. But considering how fucking cold it is, I'm more than willing to playact as them for you, if it...brings you over here... [It's likely obvious by the way Jaskier trails off that he recognizes that sounded better in his head and isn't likely lightening the mood any. Nor really making being close to him sound any more appealing. If anything, he's making it perhaps all the more awkward. He huffs a small sigh, his breath clouding in the air, and smiles somewhat sheepishly.] Sorry, clearly the cold's gotten to me.
Erm, did you lose that person here? Perhaps we can find them together.
no subject
Tech shakes his head at the apology, which only serves to remind him Jaskier is still Jaskier despite clearly being younger. He's still a mortal man trapped in a frigid temperature with no healing abilities whatsoever. Tech can figure out the rest later -- whether this means the Jaskier he knew is still trapped in Penance or what this world even is. For now, he has a purpose and that's making sure Jaskier gets out of here without hypothermia.
Tech pushes away from the tree and takes Jaskier's frigid hands in his own to hold them and use his own regulating bodyheat to warm them up a little. ]
I did lose him here I'm afraid. I appreciate the offer, but I don't think I'm gonna be able to find him.
[ His eyes linger on Jaskier's for a significant beat before they flutter away. ]
Not for a while anyway.
[ With his eyes settled on their hands, he stares at the signet ring on his finger -- first just as a place to rest his gaze. Then, with a growing sense of horror. It's not that he thinks Jaskier wouldn't believe him if he told him they fall in love in the future, but right now....all Tech can think about is all those time traveling movies where it becomes a paradox for the younger version to find out about the future and until he knows for sure what's happening here, he'd rather keep this secret close to his chest.
Tech's hands move away and he tries to make it a smooth transition -- except it's awkward and clunky as he shrugs off his windbreaker and tucks it around Jaskier's shoulders. This leaves Tech in a tee, but he'll be fine. Jaskier is the mortal here. And so with the jacket handed over, Tech shoves his hands away in his jeans pocket where he can thumb the ring off safely. One crisis averted. ]
Did you see the sunset?
[ His eyes drift up toward the darkened sky. For Jaskier, it might not be a novel thing -- seeing the sun. Most worlds had a sun. But Tech had been trapped for nearly two years without it. No amount of simulations or movies or memories could make up for seeing the real thing. ]
That means it will rise again.
[ And I'll never take that for granted again, he thinks. But more than likely, Tech Boy will go back to his gadgets and tech and forsake the outdoors once the novelty has worn off. At least until he can share that sunset with the Jaskier he'd known. ]
no subject
[But then it seems he realizes how long he's been holding Jaskier's hands and there's a bit of embarrassment there as he lets go in favor of providing his jacket to Jaskier rather than any prolonged touch. Jaskier lets him do all of this without any sort of resistance. Tech's hands slip from his easily and when the jacket comes to rest around his shoulders, Jaskier doesn't put his arms through the sleeves, but holds onto the lapels. He does frown a little though at the material, experimentally rubbing at both the lining and exterior fabric with his fingertips. The lining feels a lot closer to materials he's more familiar with, but that exterior... It feels so odd. Jaskier lacks an accurate comparison, but when his fingernail runs briefly along it, he stops almost immediately. Was that audibly scratchy?]
[As he begins starting to visually and tactilely investigate the zipper, about to ask more about it, Tech beats him to the punch in speaking first and it's almost a touch poetic. Jaskier exhales sharply through his nose in a bit of amusement about to say as much when he looks up again and it registers just how much skin Tech's left exposed. Even as their environment does seem to be warming gradually, Jaskier can't imagine for a moment that's comfortable.]
I recognize this question could be the product of a recent head injury, [Jaskier says, gesturing vaguely towards his forehead where there is indeed a relatively small fresh cut obscured by his bangs since it's no longer bleeding and has been cleaned quite expertly (despite all the fussing and flinching Jaskier did while it was being cleaned). He starts with beginning to shrug the windbreaker back off.] But aren't you cold? My doublet's not exactly seasonally appropriate— [He pauses in his removal of the windbreaker as his expression pinches. He just made it sound like he's committed a fashion faux pas and worn something out of date, which he does not care for in the slightest.] Well. No, that's not true. It's not the finest material, but I promise you, you'd see the same all over Oxenfurt or even Novigrad or Toussaint. And it was fine for the heat in Posada. It's just not seasonally appropriate here. Now. With this temperature.
[Jaskier's expression scrunches a bit further as he shakes his head. Gods only know what his point likely is by now or if Tech understands it when it's questionable Jaskier even understands it. Shaking off his clumsiness with his words—he thinks he should perhaps hold back the information that he's a bard for a bit until he says something a bit more clever or, fuck, if he isn't going to get immediately laughed at—he resumes removing the jacket.]
The point is, it's not like I'm wandering about in just a shirt. What I have on is enough, I promise.
[The way Jaskier says shirt, it might as well be substituted with the word undergarments, but Tech couldn't really be faulted for misinterpreting Jaskier's tone as more commentary on the inappropriateness as it pertains to the weather than necessarily what is considered proper. Especially considering the Jaskier Tech knows never certainly seemed altogether bothered by it and left much more of both his shirt and chest exposed than just the bit peaking out now from Jaskier's refusal to completely button his doublet.]
no subject
Tech shakes his head, waving a hand at the return of the jacket. It might not be comfortable in the cold, but he's not going to die from it. And if anything it feels far warmer than the gnawing chill that was settling into Penance. ]
I'm not human...so I'm fine.
[ Tech of long ago would have volleyed into a spiel about being a god and brag about his superiority. Here, though. He's just tired. He doesn't want to go through the motions again -- already knowing so much about Jaskier, but Jaskier knowing so little about him. He hates the thought of having to repeat conversations they've had. He's bummed about having to chase after the understanding they'd found -- uncertain if they'd even find it again or if that was just one magical moment where the stars aligned for them.
He looks toward the sky again. Glancing at the stars, he can gather a reasonable sense of direction. He can't say whether going north or east would get them out of the forest, but at least he knows when he starts walking forward again that they're headed north. Feet scuff along the leaves as he walks, a leisurely solemn pace. Hands return to his pockets and fingers curl around the ring hidden within.
So, if you feel yourself starting to drift or fall apart or you can't make sense of anything, and I'm not there or you can't find me easily, I can still be right there with you in an instant.
Tech closes his eyes and when they reopen, he glances back at the young bard behind him. ]
How old are you, Jaskier?
[ Jaskier, he said. Before Jaskier introduced himself. And the blunder only dawns on him too little too late. ]
no subject
[Putting the jacket back on over his shoulders, Jaskier opts to put his arms through the sleeves and wishes for a moment he had a mirror at his disposal. Aside from the material, the colors are also a bit of a curiosity, too. (Not to say he's never seen them before, but he can't imagine this fabric would be easy to dye and yet, it seems perfectly vibrant!) He'd like to know he looks in it even if it most likely looks a little silly layered over his doublet like this. Perhaps if he had some way of closing it, but he's never seen such a strange means of fastening clothes before. He's not at all confident he knows how to do it. But as Jaskier begins to follow when Tech starts to walk, he abandons thoughts of the jacket because he should probably focus.]
[Yes, when faced with something not human, he ought to pay attention or else he might very well find himself in a spot of danger. Not that he thinks Tech is going to be much of a threat. Setting aside the fact he appears so human-like that Jaskier's confident he's not the only to mistake him for it, if he had an ill will, why give Jaskier the jacket? Why talk at all? There isn't anyone else around, so now would be the perfect time for him to do something if there was any ill will. But Tech also just seems so... Well, he seems so sad. Jaskier is trailing behind him, but he doesn't need to see his expression to recognize the posture or gait of someone who is so sad. Whoever he lost was clearly important to him. Important enough that the feeling of a permanent loss was enough to instill this bone-deep loneliness in him. Silence is probably preferred then, Jaskier concludes as his gaze drifts from Tech's back to the surrounding foliage. He clearly doesn't want to talk about the loss with it being so fresh and his grief so raw, but he probably also doesn't have it in him to talk about anything else.]
[Trouble is that Jaskier is horrible at silence. Especially sad silence. Everything in him wants him to start talking about literally anything, to lighten the mood and make this stranger have a smile like he did when he first found Jaskier. And so, he does start to think on what topic of conversation might not aggravate or worsen Tech's mood if Jaskier were to break the respectful silence. It's something much easier said than done considering he hasn't a clue what might interest him to discuss. But as the indecision lingers and Jaskier wrestles with what to choose to talk about, Tech ends up breaking the silence.]
[For a moment.]
[The silence returns with the sound of Jaskier's name upon this stranger's lips, resting heavier between them than the grief-filled one. Jaskier's gaze snaps back to Tech immediately at the sound of his voice, eager to return to conversation over the silence only for his eyes to widen as Tech uses a name not once given to him. Jaskier's lips part slightly as he's about to ask how, but the question never makes it out. Instead, his steps slow a bit and he tries to tamp down on the bit of anxiety that's begun fluttering in his chest.]
[He's not human, Jaskier reminds himself. This isn't some sort of strange set up. Perhaps in addition to being somewhat resistant to cold, he's also able to read minds. Mages can do that from what he's heard. So, why couldn't some other creatures be able to do the same? No, that makes sense. He must be able to read minds. But wait. If he can read minds, does that mean he can manipulate them, too? Is that why Jaskier felt so desperate to find someone? The thought had been his own at first, but there was something undeniably external about the way it overtook his thoughts after a time. Maybe it was Tech who did that and his willingness to trust him so easily— No. That doesn't make sense. He already has Jaskier alone and wouldn't need to do all that. Besides, how unfair would it be to assume offering his jacket like that was some form of manipulation? Jaskier feels an immediate guilt in his belly for even contemplating it.]
[And oh gods, if he could read minds, then he would know Jaskier had the passing thought—]
[No, no, no—]
[Jaskier starts to turn a faint shade of pink. Hopefully Tech just thinks it's the cold and doesn't connect the dots between that and any, erm, appreciative thoughts that could have passed through Jaskier's mind since they met. Then again, he's probably used to it. He may not be human, but Jaskier is and he has eyes. Of course he's going to take notice and have a private thought that his eyes are quite beautiful. Who wouldn't? Tech must be used to it. Should be.]
[Jaskier seems to almost immediately shake off the spell he was under with immediate rambling.]
Eighteen. Well. I'm to be nineteen in another month, but I suppose not here. With how cold it is, I'd say we missed my nineteenth entirely. So, should I say I'm nineteen or do I need to wait an entire year for my birthday again and remain eighteen another year? [He sighs a bit as he quickly catches back up to Tech and keeps pace with him.] I can't say I love the thought of that. You know, being younger had its benefits. No one really holds anything against you and just chalks every misbehavior to youth. But now, I'm supposed to be too old for that, yeah? Yet somehow, I am still not to be taken all that seriously by anyone!
How is it that I am too old for childish nonsense, as they say, and yet not old enough to know anything, hm? It's unfair is what it is.
[Jaskier nods in a way that is so distinctly Jaskier. When there is some part of him that knows he's talking nonsense, but refuses to acknowledge it any further than privately. Thus, he must put on airs of all the confidence in the world.]
no subject
The cusp of adulthood. The freedom to look at pornography. Not even old enough to drink in the United States. Eighteen years young and stupid. And while the truth is Tech's dated most people in this age range, there was something deepest found with a Jaskier who was older. Things he could share with him. Conversations they could have where Tech shared the ugliness of the world and himself and Jaskier didn't blanch away from it because he had seen horrors of his own. Has a Jaskier this young even witnessed his first death?
It turns Tech's stomach to think of it -- to think that he could never truly be open with Jaskier again. His eyes glue on the path in front of him, determined not to look to his side where Jaskier is now trotting and babbling with his very new adult concerns. These are the things that plague him. Too old to be a kid and too young to be an adult. He's in his defining years. He hasn't even figured himself out yet. None of which would be an issue if Tech had never met or fell in love with Jaskier as he met him in Penance. Both of them lost and finding a way together.
Now, it's only Tech who is lost and Jaskier is just clueless.
He lets go of the ring in his pocket, tempted to fling it off into the woods because it's bullshit. All of it is bullshit. He just needs to forget he'd ever loved this bard and move on. ]
Life isn't fair.
[ He says after a time. That's his bitter contribution to Jaskier's chatter. ]
Life just is. Until it isn't. But you got plenty of years before you gotta start worrying about that.
[ Tech's hand slips into his blond hair, combing through it and realizing there has apparently been some dried leaves clinging to strands from the initial fall. He does his best to pick them out. ]
Sorry. I'm not exactly the best company. You really drew the short stick finding me in this maze. Or. I guess I found you. Or. I dunno.
[ He shrugs and then falters back to what has served him better. The silence. The less he talks, the better. ]
no subject
[He tries to tell himself it's nothing personal. It can't be. Tech doesn't know him at all. And he just went through a terrible loss and that's why he's so sad. Jaskier folds his arms loosely around himself as he continues to follow, falling back a couple of paces rather than walking next to him and trying to offer him what limited space can really be given in the maze. And he's probably angry, Jaskier thinks. Jaskier would be angry if he thought he found someone important only to find it was some stupid kid who could not for the life of him shut the fuck up. One who is starting to pout because he isn't getting his way like a spoiled brat. He frowns and privately curses and scolds himself before dropping his arms back down at his sides.]
[But what was he thinking? He should have just answered the question and left it at that. This man might not look that much older than Jaskier, but he's not human. There's no telling how much older he really is and assuming he knows was foolish! But also, regardless of just how large the age gap is, there really wasn't a chance that he'd want to listen to Jaskier piss and moan about the trials and tribulations of young adulthood or life so freshly out of university. Even if his experiences were likely quite different from Jaskier, that was probably a long time ago for him now.]
[Jaskier veers a little closer to the hedge wall to reach out and pick one of the damp, dead leaves from the shrub for something to do with his hands. He starts gently picking off the small bits of ice that are still clinging to it, although it's mostly melting to the touch at this point. He probably shouldn't try to keep the conversation going and just let it fall to silence and then be ready to part ways once they find the exit, but unfortunately, Jaskier doesn't quite know how to quit.]
You might not be the best company, but you're not the worst either, [he says without looking up from his leaf even as he lifts his chin a bit to show he's truly only teasing.] You're a horrid conversation partner if I'm completely honest and I'm beginning to suspect you'll next start to lecture me on what sort of message I'm sending about myself leaving my doublet so unbuttoned or perhaps when we're having a meal you shall criticize my table manners and say such poor etiquette is most unbecoming of a graduate of Oxenfurt, but I probably would have frozen to death out here without you. And even if it wasn't at all meant for me and I probably am not likely to hear it again, your laughter was nice to hear.
[Jaskier lets go of the leaf, but given the weight from the water it does not float down to the earth gracefully. It merely falls unremarkably onto the grass behind Jaskier as he continues following Tech. He checks his hands to be sure they aren't dirty before delicately wiping the moisture off his hands onto Tech's jacket.]
So, regardless of how long I might enjoy your company, I'm glad we found each other and to have it all the same.
[He looks up at Tech regardless of whether he has his gaze or not and tries for a small smile, hoping quite desperately that he isn't just souring the other's mood all the more and further. Gods, if he is... Jaskier would like to say that he'd find the resolve to just be quiet, but that's frankly impossible. He would likely only talk all the more, trying to find what he could say that wouldn't bore or both Tech, or would make Jaskier seem somehow interesting or likable or otherwise worth his time.]
no subject
You don't know me. I could be a terrible person for all you know. I am a terrible person.
[ Though it's a little harder to be convincing when one is aggressively swiping their cheeks to catch the tears before they fall. When each breath comes with an audible sniffle. ]
God fucking damnit. You're so much like him.
[ Bumbling. Awkward. Uncertain. But Jaskier is there all the same with his stupid optimism. The sun trying to rise even in spite of the stubborn storm cloud Tech has been. His lip quivers and he stops walking, staring at the blurred path in front of him. And when he blinks and a few droplets finally fall to the forest floor with audible little plops, Tech glances skyward. The night is clear. There's not a single cloud in sight. And yet, he says: ]
We should hurry. It's starting to rain.
no subject
[Apologizing for not being him (whoever he is) seems foolish. Offering advice seems... Well, ill-advised when Jaskier's experiences with heartache seemed the end of the world at the time but are so minor in retrospect. And comparing it to the fairy tales he heard growing up and assuring him of a happy ending awaiting him? Jaskier would hardly blame Tech if he took offense despite the true intention of the comparison since it would no doubt feel like trivializing what he's going through if not outright offer a juvenile sense of optimism that he doesn't want.]
[So, Jaskier just speaks the truth. As best as he can.]
Well. I don't know him and I don't know what happened. So, I haven't a clue how to help even with as much as I'd like to. But I know a few things. [Jaskier looks at Tech then.] I know that he was very lucky to have someone who loved him as much as you do, yeah? A lot of people go their whole lives dreaming of a love like that, of being so special and important to another person, but never have the chance to know it. So, he was— No, is very lucky you love him so much.
And that's how I know you're not that terrible a person. Terrible people don't tend to love anyone at all never mind like this. [Jaskier puts a hand on Tech's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze.] And I also know I don't mind the rain all that much. So, if you want to wait until this cloud passes or the rain eases a bit, that's alright with me.
We've got time.
[Jaskier very nearly wraps an arm around Tech's shoulders in reassurance, but he decides against it nearly at the last second. His hand leaves the shoulder nearest to him and moves towards the opposite only to come to a stop on Tech's back where his neck meets it. Jaskier realizes that Tech probably doesn't want to be touched all that much by Jaskier given the reminders of his loss. A touch on the shoulder is one thing and an embrace of any kind is another altogether. So, even if Jaskier is fine and comfortable with the touch (he wouldn't have started to initiate it if he wasn't), there's no telling if Tech actually is or if that's just going to hurt more. Awkwardly, he lets his hand linger there as he tries to play it off as though he's letting it be purely Tech's choice and not him putting a stop to an impulsive choice.]
Beyond that, I'm quite certain if you were to ask anyone who's ever met me, I don't know shit about fuck all, [he says with another attempt at a smile.] That's not entirely true, of course. You won't find better when it comes to poetry or musical composition. But unfortunately, my lute didn't make it with me to this place, so I'm afraid that's going to have to wait for some other time. Probably for the best. I just got the damned thing and I'd hate for all this cold and moisture to ruin it.
Could you imagine? Untold decades with an elven king. One day with me and completely fucked.
[Jaskier laughs slightly in self-deprecation as though that was what actually ended up happening. He should have perhaps stopped himself sooner and said nothing after he offered the reassurance that whatever Tech was going through, it was okay. But he just barely manages to stop himself here let alone sooner. It seems that potential little fuck-up of going for a comforting embrace sparked a little more anxiety than he was necessarily prepared to tamp down when he was already containing so much of his nerves in even broaching this topic.]
no subject
Jaskier. Sit.
[ He pats the stump beside him. Tech hadn't wanted to share this. He wasn't sure what sharing it would do -- how it might affect Jaskier as he is. But Tech realizes if Jaskier doesn't know the truth, he might continue to try and comfort Tech in some way. He might try to help because it's just in his nature to want to see people happier, in spite of his own feelings. And the more he tries to help Tech, the worse this will get -- the more it will hurt and the more Jaskier will keep trying until he inevitably gives up. Or maybe he still wouldn't. Maybe he would see in Tech what he saw in Geralt that led him to follow him for years. Unlikely, but still. The path they're on is just one that inevitably leads to some kind of cliff -- and maybe it would be Tech who abandons Jaskier on a figurative mountain instead. He has to do what he can to keep that future from coming to pass. ]
It sounds more impressive when you say you got your lute from a God. Because you did. Once.
[ He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the signet ring, holding it in a closed fist. ]
Your real name is Julian Alfred Pankratz. You attended school in Oxenfurt. You meet Geralt of Rivia one day and you follow him. For decades. You write song after song of his great adventures -- many of which you are on the road with him to witness. And you become world famous. You lose the stupid doublet and adopt a red coat instead. You grow into just such an incredible man. And somehow or another, you fall in love with me...in a world between worlds. We made a promise to find a way out of that world and be together in yours. And now, here I am. In fuck knows where. And you don't even know who I am. So it just doesn't make sense for me to hold onto this anymore. It's yours. You should have it.
[ Finger by finger, his hand opens and the ring is held toward Jaskier on the bed of his palm. ]
It's the very first thing you buy when you get enough coin. Your future is bright, Jaskier the Bard. And I know a thing or two about futures. I'm the god of technology, so.
[ His words falter into a shrug and he goes back to silence. It's a lot to digest and it's only a tiny fraction of the full story. There's a very real possibility Jaskier will call bullshit. But at his core, Tech knows Jaskier loves a good story. And a younger version is likely to be far less skeptical than his older self. With all the evidence pointing to a deeper connection between them, it's not the validity that Tech worries will be called into question. More so, he worries this might all be too much for Jaskier to take in at once. He might not know what to do with it. And Tech wouldn't blame him for that. He hardly knows what to do with it himself -- apart from his instinct to shut Jaskier out and go back to being alone.
But hey. Maybe Jaskier will simply think he's a mad man and allow Tech to follow his instinct. They can exist in this world and he can watch out for the bard from afar. That's probably the best he can hope for in terms of their relationship now. ]
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[There's a host of emotions that cross his expression as he listens to Tech. His brow furrows in confusion at the idea of receiving his lute from a god, but his expression slackens as Tech continues to speak. He forgets quickly at his early speculation that Tech must be able to read minds upon hearing his real name. Outside of family and his schoolmates, he wouldn't anticipate anyone to know. He's made too much of a concerted effort to introduce himself as Jaskier to others for that to be such commonplace knowledge. Yet before Jaskier can finally begin to ask him how and why he knows that, Tech talks of all Jaskier's efforts amounting to something so grand, something he sometimes doesn't even dare allow himself to dream! And despite that he perhaps ought to question the veracity of it more, Jaskier's heart begins to flutter in his chest. Wordless hope and ambition coalesce but don't yet have time to take wing before there's the beginning of a conclusion that makes it seem suddenly so much harder for him to breathe.]
[Jaskier flushes well before the ring is offered to him. Partially it's out of embarrassment for his earlier assumption. In retrospect, it is a bit silly for him to think that he must be telepathic and that's why he knew his name. But it's also because despite as often as Jaskier's already managed to fall in love with others, Jaskier's never really had anyone confess love to him before. It's not just that though either, is it? No, it's not. That in of itself is a lot, of course. All on its own it's a lot. But Tech is telling him that Jaskier loved him so deeply in return, that he would commit to such a promise as to find a way to bring Tech to his world. Often as Jaskier falls in love, nothing he's ever experienced could really compare to that. Even Jaskier couldn't really deny that despite how much perhaps in the thick of any love of his, he'd still find the impulse to deny it thoroughly.]
[And yet, that's not it because the love that's being spoken of isn't Jaskier's. Even if it's him in the future, it's not the Jaskier sitting beside Tech now. He hasn't any right to claim it as his, and he thinks he ought to feel a bit ashamed for having even the briefest of sensations that he was ever loved like that when it should be as he said: it should only be something he dreams about. Right now anyway. Maybe someday... No. Decades, Tech said. There's no chance he would wait that long. He shouldn't have to either. He should have the love he wants and expects now. Not some cheap imitation that's bound to leave him disappointed and wanting. Besides, he's been only able to barely tolerate Jaskier's company thus far. What hope is there of anything more in the near-future? Jaskier would think himself lucky if Tech didn't simply avoid him altogether moving forward, but he would resent or blame him if he did.]
[So, this is most decidedly not a confession of love, but one of grief and pain.]
[He swallows thickly as the ring is revealed to him, sucking in a breath that feels almost as though it burns. For a moment, that's all there is. Jaskier is still and it feels like he's unable to breathe. When Jaskier lifts his eyes from the ring to Tech's, his gaze is watery. Because yes, he's young. Yes, he hasn't experienced a love that can even compare to this. But that does not mean Jaskier is unable to understand the gravity of it or be at a complete loss in speculating just how much pain Tech must be in like this. To have Jaskier so close to him, but not as the man he loves... It's a cruel trick to have played on him by Destiny or whatever other forces might be at work.]
[He doesn't take the ring when it's offered, looking away for a moment as he tries to work through how to respond to any of it. Jaskier still wants nothing more than to ease that pain and grief, but he knows without a doubt that anything he says and does is only going to bring about pain for Tech. Even if he were more prepared for how to handle this, that would still be true. He may not have orchestrated any of this, but he still wields the knife in the end. Blinking rapidly, he glances at the ring and then Tech again before he gingerly takes it from Tech's palm. He holds it there between his thumbs and forefingers though rather than putting it on or pocketing it, looking at it with unseeing eyes. It feels so unimaginably heavy. The weight of his future—both personal and with this man (or apparently god as the case happens to be)—and promises made rests in this ring and it all weighs so, so heavily on him.]
I only met Geralt today... [he says so quietly, it may very well be mistaken for a confession of his own.] I only...
[Jaskier purses his lips as words fail him, and looks at Tech again. He shakes his head a little.]
I can't take this from you. I know I'm not... [Jaskier trails off for a moment as he thinks of how to phrase it considering he's no longer talking about a person in the abstract but himself. Or rather some future version of himself.] I'm not the man you fell in love with. But I know I wouldn't give up on that promise. And I wouldn't want you to either.
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His only comparison to that is Xie who devoted his entire life to technology -- who forsook marriage and building a family all to devote his life to his career and his god. For over thirty years. They shaped decades. Theirs didn't have a happy ending, but Tech imagines even now Xie could not find happiness elsewhere. Not after having tasted divinity. Not after realizing the horror of what Xie himself created. It's not a down to the tee comparison, but the essence of it is similar in that how could either mortal man ever find true satisfaction with anyone other than the object of their affection?
It's why Tech thought himself just a stand in. And a terrible part of him now recognizes the opportunity to insert himself into Jaskier's life in Geralt's place. To become the new immortal affection and to treat Jaskier right. Except the thought of manipulating things in any sort of way when it comes to Jaskier feels wrong. One of those reminders of how much easier life was without a conscience. He's not even sure how he feels about telling him everything. On one hand, it felt like a necessary evil. But on the other, Tech worries this might make Jaskier feel obligated to love him -- like he has to step quickly into his older self's shoes and fulfill a promise that was never his.
A brow furrows at Jaskier's refusal to take the ring, but Tech doesn't hold out his hand to take it back from him. ]
I've been alive for a very long time, Jas. Disappointments and broken promises are just baked into the nature of my life. The most foolish thing I've ever done was to start hoping for something different.
[ He rubs his hands anxiously on his knees, passing it off as though staving off the chill. ]
If you need anything here, I'll help you. Technology-wise or just in general. Otherwise, I don't know.
[ Tech lifts an uncertain gaze toward the path they were on, the future feeling just as uncertain. What Tech knows is that at eighteen, Jaskier would not be capable of the deep bond he and Jaskier had in Penance. That was a bond that came after a life lived, after a great heartache and an exposure to the horrors of his world. And without that depth, things would only be an echo of what they were. Acquaintances is the best they could be here. Or maybe the imposed distance of a guardian angel, watching over someone from afar. ]
Live your life. Have fun. Enjoy your youth. Forget about me.
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[So, instead of the brunt of his feelings coming forth with sharp tongue, Jaskier draws a breath and tempers it as best he can. Which arguably isn't dramatically better, but it's something.]
That's it then, hm? It's all decided and I haven't a say because I came to you wrong and not at all what you want. [Jaskier lifts his head without looking at Tech.] I'll grant you that I'm not as experienced with such matters as being in-between worlds as you and I suppose my future self, but... We're here. Together. And rather than looking at that as meaning something or, I don't know, an opportunity to...
[Know him in a different way. To have more time. Literally any form of opportunity than just this certainty that nothing good can come of it would be preferable! Jaskier purses his lips again as he shoves off the tree stump to get a few paces away, waving his free hand in a flurry as he can't really summon the words without any further bitterness returning to his tone despite his best efforts. His other hand grips the ring tightly in a fist. He wants to pelt it so hard that it lodges itself permanently in that stupid skull of Tech's even if it wouldn't exactly help and he'd probably only feel better for a moment or two afterward. He wants to just yell and scream for a moment, too, wordlessly for as long as it takes to get it out of himself right now because it just all feels so un-fucking-fair. But he doesn't want to do any of that because he looks at Tech and even through his irritation and anger at being essentially told what to do, Jaskier still feels empathy for that sadness, that howling loneliness that won't stop simply because Tech opts to start avoiding Jaskier.]
[And it's that same empathy though that makes Jaskier want to yield to Tech's implied desire for distance. Because even if his absence won't make it necessarily lessen, his presence certainly isn't making it any better. Jaskier's gaze drops to the forest floor, the tension in his shoulders following suit as defeat settles in almost faster than the irritation a moment ago had. Jaskier's next few breaths begin to burn as a hurt begins to settle. A hurt he doesn't fully understand because he doesn't think he ought to have any claim to it.]
It's not fair, [he mumbles to himself, leaving it vague enough that it's likely hard to tell if he's referring to the situation itself or Tech's handling of it.]
[A god from another world doesn't love him. Never did. Which meant he also didn't hope or want to find him. It's not his great and grand story. So the rejection shouldn't hurt. Not like this. Perhaps not even at all. The suffocation of hope certainly shouldn't. And yet, Jaskier cannot help but feel his own heartache beyond just the witnessing of another for this that he does not know.]
[Walking the few steps back to the stump, Jaskier peels the borrowed windbreaker off and places it where he was sitting. He looks at the ring in his palm for a moment before setting it down atop the windbreaker. If Tech wants to leave it here, throw it into the woods, or keep it, it didn't matter. Jaskier just wouldn't be the one to take it. It's not his weight to carry and Tech's made it abundantly clear he doesn't think Jaskier as he is now can regardless. And maybe he's right. And maybe that he's right hurts just as much as everything else.]
[Jaskier stands there a moment uselessly, rubbing circles into his fingertips. He wants to stay. He wants to go. No choice feels right. No choice even really feels available to him when it's already been decided.]
...I'll see you around, [he says faintly, seemingly acquiescing because doing as he's told seems to be all he can do. Even if it's unfair and even a bit cruel to tell him all of that and then tell him to forget it. It's with a great deal of effort that Jaskier makes himself take the step back and turn away.]
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Yet Jaskier approaches with the self-righteous anger of youth. Someone not being given a chance to prove themselves, and Tech wishes he could understand it's not a matter of not being given the opportunity. It's because Tech just simply cannot handle another heartbreak. Not after losing Ava and Jaskier both in one fell swoop. And how would this be any different? It's not like all of a sudden Jaskier will remember knowing Tech back home. That he will grow up and think, ah....remember that time I spent my second eighteenth birthday in a romantic entanglement with a god? Not to be confused with the time I spent with the Witcher at literally the same point in my life.
This is destined to be forgotten too. And Jaskier does have the right words to sum it all up in the end.
It's not fair. None of it.
But Tech sits there in silence as Jaskier works through his own feelings. And he only shifts when Jaskier shrugs off the windbreaker and approaches, setting it down next to Tech. His brows draw together because the return of the jacket and ring both seem to signify a rejection of even the help Tech had been offering. Because he literally just said he would help him. And they were both very much stuck in this maze. He didn't mean forget about him immediately. Just when they were in a safe space and Jaskier could mingle with the people here -- make friends and lovers and people better than the company Tech would offer him, where every conversation would just be solemn and sad.
His eyes lift to Jaskier's retreating back, a mild panic rising at the thought of Jaskier walking off into the unknown woods alone. Or maybe it's just a mild panic at the thought of being left alone himself. ]
You're not wrong.
[ He blurts out, fingers pulling so hard to his own palms nails bite deep into skin. He barely notices the pain. ]
You're never wrong. Everything about you is...vibrant. And good. And something to be appreciated. Even if sometimes you talk way more than you should.
[ A more quiet aside: ]
Or you love people who don't deserve it.
[ His eyes flicker to the ring sitting there, staring until his vision blurs before he blinks it into clarity. He should let Jaskier walk away, but Tech also recognizes something else. There had been a bit of fight in Jaskier -- a willingness to say what he wants, to stand up for himself. And even if it wouldn't matter in the long run if Jaskier returned to his world and grew up there, this aspect of his personality shouldn't be brushed aside. Because maybe Tech would become part of the problem, too. Not letting Jaskier feel comfortable enough to express his own desires and then feel he has to swallow them. ]
You're so young, Jaskier. You're still shaping yourself and who you are, and that's not to say you don't know anything. Because you do. I just suggest you forget me because this isn't the sort of weight you wanna be saddled with -- a relationship history you didn't even decide for yourself. It can't be comfortable to be around someone who knows so much about you already -- especially parts of your life you haven't even lived through yet.
[ Tech slowly looks back toward Jaskier. ]
But it's your decision. You always have a say.
[ Make the choice for you. And not what you think will make me happiest. Let this be the path your life takes as long as you're here. ]
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[In the end, it does veer quite close to it. Dangerously close. But Tech mentions Jaskier's age, alluding to his inexperience, without allowing that to become the center of his point. At least, that's not how it lands for Jaskier this time. Whether there's some clarity to Tech's expression of his concerns that had been lacking before or Jaskeir simply doesn't have it in him at this point to grow agitated once more, he's able to hear it a bit better. He doesn't want to weigh Jaskier down with something he might not be able to carry. Not now when he's on the cusp of finding himself and taking those first few steps towards who he's meant to be.]
[Jaskier lets out a shaky sigh before finally, he turns back around. Both hands end up on his hips and it's not quite as it is when he's older wherein his indignation made for a poor showing of authority even if there was no denying the strength of just how indignant he was in that moment. Jaskier's holding his ground, but the confidence isn't as firmly rooted in his stance, making it something more he's trying rather than doing.]
[But his trying is earnest. There's so very little denying that.]
You're damned right I do. So, let's get one thing absolutely clear: you don't want me saddled with anything. I haven't said anything on the matter one way or another. But now that you've decided to listen... [Jaskier trails off, glancing away from Tech. It's not exactly as though what small amount of confidence he's got manages to waver. Jaskier hadn't exactly thought this far into what he wanted to say. Which is hardly his fault. He'd been prepared to walk off without having his say respected at all! Jaskier rocks from his heels up to the balls of his feet and back down again as he considers it.] I want us to be friends. Yeah. And not what you're proposing with the whole you helping me when I ask...thing. I mean, yes. That bit. But I mean all the other bits that come with friendship. None of this lurking in the background of my life or whatever dreadful and terribly depressing idea you've come up with.
[As he's talking, Jaskier folds his arms and makes his way back over to Tech, stopping in front of him as there's a beat and he adds,] I think your idea is shit, for the record. It doesn't have to be this all-or-nothing thing where either I feel pressured to pick up wherever it is we left off or you're just a person in the background of my life, you know. There's quite a bit between those two points.
And before you go on about how it's not comfortable in any of that middle part, I'll have you know that I wanted to be your friend even when I thought you were just reading my mind somehow, alright? So, if I was willing to still be friends with someone who would no doubt be privy to things that mortifying is an egregious understatement at some point in our friendship when I wasn't being careful, then I think this is perfectly fine.
Besides, it's not like you know everything there is to know about me. I mean, you met me when I was what? Thirty? Forty? Gods, don't tell me if it's fifty. I don't want to— [Jaskier holds up a hand and quickly shakes his head. He is still very much eighteen and doesn't want to contemplate old age just yet when there is so much else in front of him.] The point is, who the hell at that age talks about themselves when they were eighteen? Hm? So, maybe, Mr. O Mighty God of Technology, you might try a bit of humility here, quit being such a know-it-all, and consider you still have plenty to learn about Jaskier the Bard, as you put it, or Julian.
So, you're welcome for affording you this opportunity. I suggest you don't snub it again. My nineteenth birthday will come eventually and you'll be expected to not only give me a decent present, but you'll have missed out on an entire year's worth of things to know about me.
[...Tech may have clarified his point successfully to Jaskier, but Jaskier's point starts to drift a bit. Some of it is because he, of course, wants to defuse any remaining tension as much as possible. And the possibility that Tech rejects his friendship—genuine friendship, not the sort where Jaskier is ultimately using Tech to his own benefit—is still quite real to Jaskier. So, it seems better to couch everything in a joke at the end to try and pre-emptively remove the hurt and sting that could still yet come. But he hopes and quietly prays that Tech doesn't deny him this. That he's willing to at least try here rather than making up his mind and deciding for Jaskier what they ought to be instead of allowing him to figure it out with him.]
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And what kind of friendship was Jaskier expecting? The part where he talks incessantly and Tech just sits there sad and melancholy because it sparks a memory of the past. Like Jaskier talking about the birthday present. It's lighthearted and playful, but it makes Tech think of giving Jaskier the lute and being absolved of having to give a present ever again. Or the stupid birthday pinwheel pancakes he gave him. Tech supposes it wouldn't be too different from Geralt who probably sits around and broods while Jaskier talks. Maybe it would remind him of home. ]
We can try.
[ He says, not with gusto or confidence in the idea. It's mainly because he doesn't want to shoot Jaskier's idea down. He doesn't want to deflate the part of him that's willing to propose outlandish ideas or speak about the things he wants. Even if Tech doubts his own ability to uphold things on his end.
He picks up the ring on top of the stump and holds it for a moment, allowing himself to hold the pain and anguish of a relationship lost, to know things would never be the same and to mourn for what is now gone and never will be. And then he lets it go, opens his hand and allows the ring to tumble to the forest floor. He can't hold onto it right now. Maybe he would change his mind later, retrace his steps into the maze in a frantic search for that tree stump. But for now, this is where what he knew dies and where something new has to take its place.
Tech picks up the windbreaker and shrugs it back on, feeding the tread into the zipper and dragging it back up. ]
You were forty-three when I met you. But I would have sworn you weren't a day over thirty at max. And that's only because of the stubble. If you were clean shaven, you really wouldn't have looked much different.
[ Tech, prone to noticing the smallest details, could see the fine lines. But they were fine. Not deep set as some get at the age of forty. And when Jaskier smiled. God when he smiled, with that childish glee -- he would emanate a youth eternal. Tech's eyes water and he draws in a breath. Stop fucking crying.
He steels himself, shuts down emotions and starts walking back on the path they'd veered off of, hoping against hope the ghost of Jaskier will just stay tethered to that stump. ]
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[Jaskier stands aside to let Tech take the lead again, but he doesn't follow immediately after him. Instead, he crouches down and picks the ring back up, dusting the imaginary dust and dirt off it that it accumulated in its few seconds on the forest floor. He doesn't take it though. There's no quietly slipping it onto his finger or into a pocket. Jaskier had already made the decision he wasn't going to bear its weight and he intended to stick to it (even if it was a finely made ring and he did quite like it). He'd also already decided that whatever Tech wanted to do with it was fine with him, too. So, if Tech wanted to leave it here, then it ought to stay. But it didn't seem right leaving it on the forest floor like that. After that deep of a love, after all those promises both kept and broken... It deserved a better resting place than that.]
[Looking at it in his hand, Jaskier huffs a silent laugh through his nose because it's only been a day with Geralt of Rivia and here Jaskier is considering how the past ought to be laid to rest when perhaps normally, he would have kept it whether to satisfy his vanity or to ensure coin for food in his belly. Instead, he places it gingerly on the center of the tree stump.]
[Quiet as he can, hoping and praying that Tech can't hear him those couple of paces away, he promises,] I'll look after him for you.
[Not in the same ways because he can't. But in his own way and in his own time, Jaskier can look after Tech, he thinks. He can make sure this grief doesn't swallow him whole, snuffing out the light of whatever future he was meant to have.]
Until you can tell him I told you so and give him hell for losing your ring.
[Rising back to his feet with a faint smile, Jaskier turns back towards Tech and calls to him,] Oi! Wait up!
[Jaskier scurries after him as quickly as he can, but still keeps a couple of paces behind once he catches up. The last time he walked directly beside Tech, it hadn't gone so well and he thinks it's best if he doesn't invade Tech's space as much as possible. It's also perhaps for the best that Tech doesn't continue ruminating over the past (or rather future from Jaskier's perspective), but Jaskier's certain he can't likely think of anything else.]
So, what should I call you? God of technology seems a bit wordy. [Jaskier pauses for just a moment to let Tech answer before quickly adding,] Which there's nothing wrong with it if that's the only name you've got! A lot of gods in my world have had their names forgotten actually. So, you'd be in good company if that's the case. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure there is a named god of technology where I'm from, even among the elves... Although theirs are always magic and forests and rivers and what not. Not exactly industry or modern society.
Seems a bit silly when you think about it though. We can remember Epona from the old gods well enough and build little shrines for her when she just watches over our horses. But whoever it is that's supposed to be responsible for the advancements we've made through the centuries is completely forgotten.
[Jaskier crinkles his nose in displeasure at that notion because it does seem to him that they should be held in similar regard. Much of society would have fallen apart or simply never been without horses just as it would have without the invention of the wheel.]
Seems quite typical of the academics though to want all the credit for themselves, doesn't it? Granted, I'm not quite certain the gods and goddesses of my world are like you at all. Fairy tales likely have more truth to them than they do. [Jaskier huffs a small laugh at that.] I'm sure my tutors from the temple would love to hear me say that. Still... It doesn't seem right to be forgotten. Real like you or not. Stories are meant to be remembered and told. Not abandoned the moment something seemingly more interesting come along and especially when it's self-interest like that.
[Jaskier then seems to realize just how long he was speaking, not giving Tech the opportunity to answer his question because first, he thought he might offend him and then a thought occurred to him, and Jaskier immediately got carried away. He flushes a little given that Tech's already pointed out his penchant for rambling, and it's hard not to remember all the times he was told by his tutors and instructors about the importance of speaking when there's something important to say. (Which was perhaps a polite, learned way of telling Jaskier to shut the fuck up after humoring him long enough.) The trouble is, Jaskier's never really understood what makes something important to say. It all feels important. Especially now when Tech is dwelling and Jaskier is grasping at straws trying to find anything that might spark a conversation.]
Sorry, [he clears his throat.] I asked for your name and didn't give you a chance to answer before I ended up in a diatribe against the fragile egos of academics in my world.
[Smiling sheepishly, he stops talking (perhaps finally) to let Tech give him a name and, if he's lucky, perhaps even contribute to the conversation now that Jaskier's not stealing all the air in the maze.]
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When Jaskier finally circles back around to asking his name again, Tech wishes he had something more significant to give him. A true and proper name. But he still doesn't. He's still waiting to either figure his own out or to have someone give him something better. So he merely shrugs. ]
You can call me Tech.
[ And it seems like he might stop there. Give a short answer to all Jaskier says until he adds after a beat. ]
Gods are a bit like fairy tales in a way. At least where I'm from. They only exist because people need them to exist. We are the embodiment of human worship, existing through their will alone. And if there comes a time where it's not their will for us to be, we will vanish. None of the gods know that better than me -- the embodiment of human innovation. Every era of advancement, I will die and be reborn as something new -- forgetting the life before it.
[ A pause. ]
And that's why I don't plan to go back. I planned to go with you to your home. I would have given everything up -- all of my godhood for a chance to finally live and die the way I dictated.
[ And maybe that will still happen in the long run. Tech doesn't know. But it's going to be a lot harder finding his way to Jaskier now. He doesn't know where he is or how this world operates. He's completely in the dark. Just like they are in this maze -- lost and wandering. His steps slow after a time. ]
Okay. We got two options. We can keep going at this in the dark and trying to find a way out or we could build a fire and wait for sunrise when it will be a lot easier to see. You got a preference?
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[Jaskier's eyes widen at first and skitters forward to be next to Tech again, abandoning his decision to afford Tech more personal space. Admittedly, in this sudden excitement, Jaskier isn't listening as well as he perhaps ought to be when Tech first starts his explanation. He's simply too delighted to hear Tech saying more than a few sullen words at a time or providing a long-winded warning that they both know well enough by now Jaskier isn't going to pay any mind to when it comes to his decision-making. But once he's caught up and giving Tech his undivided attention, he's able to settle enough to listen and get the important parts of it.]
[And then there's so much he wants to say to all of that. What Tech says of his existence is far more tragic than anything Jaskier was speculating about a moment ago. At least in Jaskier's thought process, it was more a robbery of credit that resulted in a fall into obscurity. Frustrating and unfair though that may be, it was not the same thing as not only having one's life taken, but to have it dictated beyond one's control as well?]
[He says Jaskier can call him Tech and it becomes so painfully obvious it's not a name with that kind of existence. Not one given—because what need is there when he will be someone or something else entirely in short order—and certainly not one claimed. It's more a moniker than anything else. Something that allows whoever and whatever he is to take it over upon his rebirth or discard just as easily without any discernible difference. Jaskier's near half-tempted to suggest that they ought to come up with a name for him then. Something that has more weight and meaning and separates him from his other lives, and defines exactly who he is now. But Jaskier hems and haws just long enough on it that he doesn't interrupt before Tech is able to speak about the appeal of following Jaskier to his world.]
[Falling a little behind once more as that sinks in, Jaskier's expression turns thoughtful for a moment. It's only for a moment though as the conclusion he reaches is a very easy one.]
Then I'll call you Tech, [he says, catching back up,] until you pick something else for yourself.
[Jaskier doesn't know, of course, that it's the same conclusion he reached in Penance, but he probably wouldn't be altogether that surprised to know it. Much as Jaskier craves to carve some special place out for himself—and naming a god certainly would rank even higher than being the bard that follows the White Wolf around to tell the tales of his heroic deeds—he wouldn't want to do that to Tech. So many forces beyond Jaskier's understanding have had their hands in making and unmaking him when that's not what Tech wants at all. And it's so important, Jaskier thinks, that when people who haven't had the luxury of control over their lives want something, it ought to be protected.]
[And he'd really like to think whatever he might be like in the future, he'd still believe in that. After all, why else would he allow Tech to give up his very being for something else if he didn't believe so strongly in protecting Tech's desire for freedom and control over his own life?]
[Jaskier leaves it at that though. Much as there is a fairly solid temptation to tell Tech that the option of returning to the Continent was still there if he wanted it, Jaskier doesn't think it would land well. There'd probably be too much concern that Jaskier was trying to fill boots that didn't belong to him rather than the reality that Jaskier wants Tech to have that opportunity all the same even if the shape of them is different than what it used to be. Because Jaskier thinks he should still have that. It shouldn't be contingent on whether Jaskier and Tech are friends or something more or even something less. He'll just need to wait for a better time to make mention of it. When hopefully Tech can hear the true reason behind it and not mistake it for something that it isn't.]
Well, as much as I adore walking, [Jaskier says to the question that eventually breaks the companionable silence,] I've already walked several miles today actually. And that was after being knocked unconscious, tied up, beaten, and having my lute broken.
[Jaskier's first day with Geralt was eventful to say the least.]
And I'm not sure you noticed, but these boots were not exactly meant for walking about in forests or across valleys.
[And Jaskier honestly thinks he deserves some form of commendation for not complaining about the ache in his feet at this point. By all rights, he should have been complaining the moment he arrived here.]
So, yes, I think a break of some kind is in order. Do you, ah, actually know how to build a fire?
[Because Jaskier sure as hell does not.]
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But maybe someday, in a less dour mood, Tech would bring these points up. And maybe he could even persuade Jaskier that a great way to make a name for himself here is to name a god through his songs. Manipulative? A little bit. But harmlessly so.
That would just require getting his lute back. And maybe if Tech can do that here, too. Then a name would be the least of Jaskier's troubles. It's just....how does one get things in this world? Do they talk to the fox? The fox was pretty keen to just dump them all off and fuck off somewhere else, so is it easy to even get an audience with her?
But he looks back at Jaskier as he describes his day and there is a mild concern on his face at the mention of being beaten because first of all, how fucking dare whoever touched Jaskier! But second, he had been going continuously without complaint and even took the time to be more concerned about Tech when clearly he was pushing himself more than he should. How was it that Jaskier could simultaneously be so self-centered and selfless? And how was it even after such a terrible day, Jaskier still continued to follow Geralt for the rest of his life? This man truly is something else when he sinks his loyalties into someone.
But before addressing any of that, Tech responds to the question with a huff of (gasp!) playful energy. ]
Uh, did you forget who I am? Hello. God of Technology. I was the reason y'all have fire, dude.
[ Tech walks just a little more to find a nice spot. There's a downed tree across the forest floor that can provide a place to sit that isn't the cold ground. Or it could serve as a backrest when it inevitably got too uncomfortable to sit on. Meanwhile, Tech gets to work collecting what's in the immediate area. Larger tree branches, sticks and twigs as well as some dried tree bark for kindling. He uses his relic's flashlight to search the ground for the appropriate stones and then returns to set everything up.
Stones strike together repeatedly until the brilliance of sparks explode from them. It takes a few more for one of those sparks to catch in the kindling and Tech blows on it gently to give the fire life. The tiny flames get fed twigs and when they grow big enough, he gives them larger branches -- building in a triangular shape.
It's a modest fire. They might need to sit close together to get the maximum warmth out of it. But...Tech doesn't mind. And he's sure Jaskier won't either. He claps once and holds his hands out as though presenting the flame with a silent ta-dah before he settles in front of it and looks over at Jaskier -- lifting a hand so he could sweep aside Jaskier's bangs and get a better look at the cut on his forehead. Did that come from here or from being hurt back home? Maybe a combination of both. ]
Are you okay? After being...beaten unconscious and what not?
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[As would likely come as no surprise to Tech though, silence doesn't particularly suit Jaskier all that well, and although the task of starting and building a little fire doesn't take all that long, Jaskier doesn't sit there quietly watching. He starts humming the beginnings of a new song to himself. Jaskier doesn't share the words that pass through his mind as he's experimenting. It's easier to work aloud like that in the absence of anything to write with, but he doesn't think it's such a good idea when the verse is about the pair of them. For starters, it's too new and everything is far too uncertain. So, committing it in some capacity to singing aloud feels like he's getting ten steps out ahead of where they are right now. For another, he doesn't want Tech to start dwelling again on what he's lost and that seems a surefire way to do just that. So, it's better that the words are Jaskier's alone for now and are just enough to capture the feelings that came with Tech's revelation for himself.]
[Besides, he's not given much time to work it out before Tech's built the fire and Jaskier must stop to give proper credit where it's due with a pleased, quiet round of applause before he settles nearby.]
[Normally, this would be the bit where Jaskier would become melodramatic to such a degree that there would be no doubt he was merely playing up such minor injury for attention. He would, after all, not want to be so convincing that he gave anyone genuine concern where it wasn't warranted! There's absolutely no fun to be had in that, but there is fun whether the other plays along or attempts to deny him the attention. And yet, when Tech brushes Jaskier's bangs aside to get a better look at the cut on his forehead above his right eye, there's no sudden theatrics or grand retelling of what occurred.]
Oh, that was just a well-aimed ball bearing from a sylvan. [He does still say it with a bit of pride though, much in the way a child might brag about not crying after a scrape they received after falling down. It very clearly doesn't really occur to Jaskier that any lower and he could have very well lost his eye rather than consciousness, and it's perhaps best that it's never pointed out.] The beating came after from a she-elf once Geralt came to.
But it's only a cut and a few bruises! Nothing I won't recover from in a matter of days. And Geralt reassured me the salve he applied will keep it from scarring, so all the better.
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[ He lets the bangs fall back into place and returns his hand to his lap. Tech's eyes veer away with a thoughtful frown. ]
We don't know what awaits us outside of the maze.
[ Tech doesn't mean to be doom and gloom. It's his natural distrust and skepticism coming into play. He did come from hell, after all. And maybe this is just another branch of it. Maybe he escaped into something worse. His eyes flicker back to Jaskier as he seems to reconsider. Because for Jaskier's sake, he feels like a little false optimism is in order. ]
But I'm sure we'll find some place safe.
[ A beat. ]
You'll find some place safe. Because we will have two places. For both of us. Not that, um, you can't come over. I just...
[ His brow furrows, flustered, and he falters to silence -- letting that silence put a period at the end of all his awkward rambling. If this was his Jaskier, obviously they would be staying together. They might still have two separate places depending on how this place works, but those places would be interchangeable where they could stay with one another and make it a home. Wherever they were together, even here out in the forest. That would be home. Because home was the place in each others hearts. And this Jaskier, young as he is, is a wanderer. Far too exploratory to put down roots. ]
You were brave.
[ He says, finally. ]
Are brave.
[ And in Tech's eyes, Jaskier will continue to be so very brave, even if he doesn't see it for himself. But he doesn't elaborate. Doesn't talk of his future because this is the Jaskier of now, and he probably would get fed up being compared to a future self. Tech knows he would have.
A single moth drifts close to the fire. Tech reaches out to gently cup it in his hands. Wings beat against closed fingers and he peeks in on it through a crack between his thumbs. It's just a normal moth. No fangs or hellish features. Nothing abnormal about it at all which makes it abnormal in a way. ]
The, um. The place between worlds where I came from. It was hell. Literal hell. Except we weren't dead. They were pulling in living souls and trapping them there. I was there for almost two years before that fox found me and set me free.
[ His hands open and he lets the moth float away, watching its skyward ascent. ]
There were no stars. There was no sun. The sky was constantly red. The lakes were made of blood. The creatures were all abnormal. If there were moths, you could bet they would suck your blood or carry a curse with them.
[ Something dawns on Tech, and without thinking he suddenly reaches for his shirt -- prying it up to see the skin above his navel. It's clear. Perfectly, beautifully clear. No marks. No curses left behind. Tech touches where the mark used to be with a wondrous smile before letting the shirt fall back into its modest place. The smile somehow keeps on his face when he looks at Jaskier again. ]
I really can't wait to see the sunrise.
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[Now? Jaskier has so much to prove. And that much is likely apparent upon any closer inspection of his sartorial choices. Jaskier dresses well, of course, but it's plain to see he's doing so on a very limited budget. He doesn't possess a single piece of jewelry and the embroidery on all his clothes is far more simple. Never mind there isn't a piece of silk on his body right now, everything coming from hardier fabrics than that because the aforementioned budget forces such sensibility in his decisions.]
[So, that also means making certain his hair is coiffed just so at all times, too.]
[Even while perplexed with the sudden self-inspection, Jaskier comes so close to saying the sun has already risen with his smile, but Jaskier ultimately refrains from it. It seems a bit...too much to say after everything Tech's told him even if Jaskier doesn't mean anything more than it's nice to see him smiling again. Perhaps especially because he doesn't mean for it to mean anything further than that. But even if it doesn't end up stinging to hear for those reasons, he also worries Tech might think Jaskier's taking the piss out of him, too. Jaskier doesn't know what to do with Tech's grief exactly, but he knows better than to say or do something that would make it sound like he's making light of it or Tech.]
Well then, neither can I, [he says instead.] But the sun will get its turn. Let's not be so anxious to get to that part, shall we? I think they might get jealous.
[He nods up towards the starry sky to indicate who might get jealous before looking properly skyward. Tilting his head, he doesn't recognize any constellations. Which if he really needed any more evidence that this wasn't all some sort of strange dream, that was perhaps telling enough that he was somewhere far away from home. But not seeing anything familiar doesn't fill Jaskier with any sort of anxiety or dread. If anything, he finds a bit of freedom in it. It's something new. To him. To Tech. To them. Jaskier nudges Tech in the side before leaning against him to aid with pointing out the right stars.]
See those three there that make a line? Then the four that branch off near the middle almost like wings? [He lowers his arm, but doesn't pull away.] Kinda looks like what sirens are supposed to look like, doesn't it?
[Jaskier hasn't seen a siren for himself yet and with how many holes Geralt has been quick to poke in all his other assumptions about other kinds of monsters so far, he's not all that confident he has the truth of it. But he's heard plenty of stories from sailors at port of beautiful women singing their enchanting songs only to rise out of the sea upon their wings and whipping about their serpentine tails with horrifying shrieks that he trusts the idea that's what they look like a little more than some other descriptions of other monsters. Still, he couches it a bit in case he's wrong.]
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But Jaskier doesn't deserve the worst of him. Tech would use and pull strings in most other situations with most other people. But he couldn't bring himself to do that to Jaskier. Never Jaskier.
Hands remain on his lap and he tries to bring focus to the constellation. Sure, he can always recognize patterns, but honestly he couldn't understand where people had the imagination enough to connect the dots and make something more than a few vague shapes. He can't make out what Jaskier describes, and doesn't even try. Instead he looks back to him with a raised brow. ]
Sirens have wings? I thought they were basically mermaids and the terms are pretty interchangeable. But like, don't quote me. Obviously you're the one from the world with mystical creatures.
[ His tries drawing both knees up, but with the rounded edge of the tree trunk it becomes difficult to balance. So instead he just brings one to his chest and leaves the other planted on the ground for balance, hugging the knee closest to him. ]
You ever see a unicorn?
[ Unicorns are pretty basic in terms of mythical creatures. Tech is aware of that. They're just horses with horns. But there's something pretty magical about the symbolism of them. And basic or not, Tech had never seen them. He'd seen and even ridden on the opposite with the hell horses. So it would be kinda nice to hear about their counter -- something good. Something light. Something pure. ]
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