folkooc | October 2022 Test Drive Meme

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*tdm

October 2022 Test Drive Meme

OCTOBER 2022 TDM

INTRODUCTION

[ TDM Questions ★ Jump to Comments ★ Full Navigation ]
Welcome to Folkmore's monthly Test Drive Meme! Please feel free to test drive any and all characters regardless of your intent to apply or whether you have an invite or not.

All TDMs are game canon. You can choose to have your TDM thread be your introduction thread upon acceptance or start fresh. Each TDM will provide a scenario for how characters arrive in-game that particular month.

Playing TDMs will allow characters to immediately obtain canon items from homes especially weapons or other things they may have had on their person when they were pulled from their worlds! There will always be a prompt that provides some sort of "reward" to characters who complete certain tasks.

Current players are allowed to have in-game characters react to TDMs via the Network or make a log with the prompts. Current players are always encouraged to tag new people on the TDM!

TDM threads can be used for spoon spending at any time by characters accepted into the game.

[ Prompt One ★ Prompt Two]

SHINING

Content Warnings: Possible insanity via freezing. Temporary nullification of abilities.

COLD AS YOU

You were falling...

The world snaps into place all at once; you are laying on the ground, surrounded on all sides by towering bushes that stretch up towards a beautiful sunset sky. The bushes were clearly flowered at one point, but now the flowers have died and all that remains are browning leaves that are beginning to fall. On the chill air you can sometimes hear the sound of music, too faint to completely determine.

As you stand, you are filled with an intense desire to find someone. You might have an idea of who, but chances are you do not - you just know that somewhere ahead of you is someone that you need to reach. Whether they are friend or lover or enemy remains to be seen.

You wander the maze. If you're the impatient type and you have the ability, you might try to fly out but you will simply be vaulted right back down if you do. Something clearly expects you to play by rules which were never actually explained. As you move through the twisting passages of nature, you will notice that there is a frost creeping along the branches on either side of you. This frost brings a deep chill with it, and it encourages you to move faster, to find that nameless person now now now! If you take a very long time to wander the maze you may very well be on the verge of freezing and half mad with the desire to find someone. If you try to force your way through the bushes, the frost will crawl over your limbs and inspire both the freezing and near madness at once.

When you find your Person, the cold evaporates. The air suddenly feels merely crisp, and the leaves on the bushes seem more vibrant. The two of you now can focus on finding the way out - so much easier now - but any sense of urgency will have passed and you may just walk for hours, talking and sharing things about yourselves.

It is possible to solve the maze alone, but it is much easier (and more pleasant!) with someone else.

KEEP YOUR BRITTLE HEART WARM

When you exit the hedge maze you will find a stunning display of lights: hundreds of candles and lanterns decorate the ground and hang from trees, illuminating a clear path over a gently sloping hill. When you crest the hill you can look down and see a beautiful hot spring sprawled out below. It too is lit up by hundreds of lights, all of them glowing under the late autumn sky as it darkens towards night. There are changing rooms where you can stash your clothes (yes, there are bathing suits for the very shy) and bathing stations to ensure that you are clean before entering.

The water of the springs soothes madness and heals physical injuries or any frostbite that may have been sustained in the maze. It also relaxes you, making you perhaps more likely to open up to anybody else present.

The hot spring is staffed by many mice. They don't speak, but they squeak to one another in such a way that it sounds like they are singing - high lilting chants that seem to promise that everything will be okay. They are happy enough to band together to bring you towels or hot tea. The spring is open 24/7, always with lights to fight the cold and darkness of winter.

HIGH STRANGENESS

Content Warnings: Monster sighting, optional violence.

GLITCH

Folkmore has trains and of course the cat bus, but it also has roads, mostly utilized by horses and bicycles. Maybe you're looking for the convivence store, or maybe you just like walking. However it happens, you find yourself on a lonely road at dusk. It is unusually quiet, almost as if the world is holding its breath.

Suddenly you hear the sound of wings. A man-sized creature soars above you, something with huge red glowing eyes. It drops something at your feet: a walkie-talkie. The creature lands some distance away, staring at you, and a thought arises unbidden in your mind:

Help them.

The walkie crackles and you can hear someone speaking, asking if anyone is there. It is another Star Child, brought into this trial as well. They are in danger somewhere nearby; maybe stuck on the edge of a cliff, or trapped on a rope bridge - whatever it is, they need someone else to help them get to safety. If they have any powers, they have been temporarily nullified, but if the rescuer has powers they remain intact. That's where you come in! Using the walkie you must communicate with one another so that the rescuer can reach the person in trouble in time!

But what if you don't make it in time? Or decide that you're not the hero type? Well. The rescue-ee will suffer a terrible fate... for a few seconds. Then the entire world fuzzes and resets, but this time the roles have been reversed. Both parties will remember what has already happened, so if you just ran off into the woods with no intent of helping the first time you miiiight get your just desserts! This process will repeat over and over, people switching sides every time, until someone is finally rescued or the sun rises. Whichever comes first!

If you do succeed at a rescue, you will hear the rustle of huge wings once more. This time you don't see the mysterious creature, but you will find a mystery trunk. Inside you will each find some of your canon clothes and a canon item. Looks like teamwork is rewarded! Nearby, there will also be some unenchanted weapons sticking out of the ground: basic swords, guns, shields, etc.

BAD OMEN

You don't necessarily have to have completed the rescue trial to get some goodies, though! Those aforementioned weapons are scattered all over Folkmore. But if you just go to grab any of them you'd better be prepared to fight; after all, nothing comes for free!

As soon as you have pulled a weapon out of the ground, a tall, man in a black suit and hat will appear from seemingly nowhere and attack you. He has no weapons but he is extremely strong. He's also just really creepy - his face looks like it might be fake, somehow. The only way he can be killed is with a wound to the heart - any other supposedly mortal injury will result in another man in black appearing. It is possible for someone with no combat training to beat these creatures, but they really might appreciate a little help from someone with more experience!

The good news is that they won't mess up your clothes any, as none of these creatures bleed. Because that is totally normal.

Good luck!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Jaskier doesn't believe Tech, of course, when he says he doesn't remember how it ends. As someone whose job it is to tell story after story, Jaskier knows which are the bits that are remembered and which are forgotten. The beginning is usually pretty easy to remember if only because the exposition is what captures the audience's attention and gives them a reason to care. It's the middle that's usually a bit muddled and even Jaskier's been guilty of occasionally making something up when the details have managed to escape him. But the ending? Oh, that's the bit that sticks with everyone. It's the last thing the audience shares with the characters and their plights, and it's where their deepest feelings and self-reflections are sparked.]

[So, he doesn't believe Tech when he says he can't remember how it ends. Of course, he remembers. It's just not an ending he wants to tell. It's not the ending that he wants for him and Jaskier.]

[Because Jaskier isn't an idiot. Setting aside that stories are his trade and that he's always held such a passion for them even as a boy, he isn't thick. He knows Tech is telling this story because he sees them in it. It's the reason why anyone tells any story at the end of the day. There's something in those stories that they feel connection and meaning.]

Well, that's the beauty of stories, you know. If you can't remember how it goes, you're the storyteller. You end it the way you want it to end. [Jaskier nudges him with his knee intentionally this time as he tips his head in genuine curiosity.] So, go on, darling. How does your story end?

[Not the story. Jaskier isn't interested in how the story's been told countless times by equally countless tellers. Not our story. Jaskier doesn't think it's really his to claim just yet when he's only just entered into it and is still doing his best to find his bearings. Your story. A story told by a god— No, a man who says he's never had the choice of it all before, and that's all he's ever yearned for in all his lifetimes. A chance to live by his own choosing. And so, perhaps he's not there just yet as far as living it. But this is something, Jaskier thinks.]

[It's a beginning.]

[ His eyes linger on the knee that's nudged him and to Jaskier's question, Tech's tempted to shrug. To claim he doesn't know and leave it at that. A dissatisfying ending for a story that hasn't finished yet -- that he can't clearly see. There's no way to predict anything when it comes to them. And yes, he knows Jaskier's not asking for their story. For one, because he's the co-author of that. And for two, their story had only just begun from his perspective...so it's not really ready for any sort of ending. But after drawing the comparison between Orpheus and Eurydice and them, how does he finish the story without tying them into it?

Still Tech knows what awaits him if he doesn't give an answer. Jaskier's ribbing commentary about Tech being a terrible storyteller. And he is in a way. Tech's not the one who comes up with stories. All the stories he knows are ones written by other people. And Tech's the one that repeats them, that spreads them in their digital form and lets them live on in the digital age -- only a click away. Some of the old gods truly should thank him for allowing their myths to remain only a late night google away.

Tech leaves Jaskier hanging a little while longer, picking at a piece of upraised bark as he tries to think of a suitable end. And then, he finally says: ]

They get to see the sunrise together. And they live happily ever after.

[ It's a very childish and simple ending. The sort that would be tacked onto whimsical fairy tales that were made more palatable for younger children. The ending where the good guys always win, the bad guys always get their comeuppance, and there's nothing more noteworthy to say about their lives other than they were happy thereafter. But in Tech's idealized fantasy, in his story -- it's always been a private hope kept beneath a pessimistic veneer that one day he'd find happiness.

Today is not that day. But maybe another. He just hasn't found his way out of hell yet, but maybe someday -- so long as he looked forward and not back. Maybe he'd find it. ]

[Jaskier exhales through his nose in light amusement. He's not really laughing at Tech though. He can recognize there's a certain degree of vulnerability in answering that question, and the fact there's an answer at all is fairly remarkable all on its own. It's not something Jaskier should take for granted at the very least. But there is something sweet in its simplicity.]

All that build-up and I was expecting something a bit more dramatic, [he teases lightly. A thought occurs to him to ask Tech how he thinks he would have ended it if he were here to give his perspective, but he doesn't give in to the impulse. It's not particularly fair of him to ask in such a roundabout way what Jaskier had envisioned for their future together. It's also really none of his business and something Tech should be afforded all privacy over. Instead, he says,] But I know what you're getting at with that ending. Just as Eurydice trusted Orpheus to lead the way out of that dark, terrible place, Orpheus trusted Eurydice to never stray too far. And it was that powerful bond that saw them through a great number of adventures. Far too many to tell, but also none nearly so important as that first sunrise together. The one that both were quietly afraid they might never see together, but never gave up hope that they might because they loved each other.

And love is far more powerful than anything else in this world or the next.

[Much like the telling of the siren, Jaskier's hardly still while he builds upon the scraps of Tech's proposed ending. It's less childish, of course. The topic demands that he be significantly less so. But he still makes the occasional gesture with his hands, and he leans in when it's appropriate to do as much, all in an effort to keep the attention on him. As if they were seated in a crowded tavern with all sorts of noise and other spectacles for Jaskier to compete with. Except it probably doesn't really require that much effort. Setting aside for a moment that Jaskier doesn't have any competition sans the fire and that hardly puts up much of an obstacle, Jaskier is also more sincere and genuine than most.]

[He's not speaking of them, of course. The spark of interest, that something that shapes itself into a kind of love that Jaskier so often feels when speaking to someone like this? It's not at all what used to (or, from Jaskier's perspective, will) be there between Tech and Jaskier (someday). Jaskier needn't experience the alternative for himself to know there's no comparison. But he is still speaking his mind as always and it's without a doubt that even at his age now, even without all the experiences that two or so decades more will afford him, Jaskier believes so strongly in love above all else.]

[Because it is love through both its presence and absence, its gift and loss, that inspires so much. Both good and bad and everything in-between can somehow find its root within love.]

So, of course they lived happily ever after.

[ Tech might have countered a question to Jaskier's commentary about expecting something more dramatic, asking if he thought it was a bad ending. But he snowballs into an ending of his own -- or rather an elaboration of Tech's. And Tech is quiet throughout it. The ending itself draws multiple questions from Tech. Questions he doesn't give voice to, but ponders and worries all the same. Should he give this first sunrise to Jaskier as he is now? Or should he turn back, find his way to the underworld where he can liberate his Jaskier who may very well still be trapped? And if he took Jaskier's hand and tried to lead him out of the darkness, would he even come with Tech? Or would he insist on staying behind with Geralt and Yennefer because if they couldn't get out together, he would not abandon them?

And its in that thought that he realizes the terrible position this Jaskier is in. A position where he might not be deemed worthy or preferable. A position where he could get abandoned in favor of, while still himself, also someone else. Tech has sat in that position -- of not being deemed not good enough. Of being someone's second choice. Abandoned. Left behind on a mountain. It hasn't happened to Jaskier yet, and with dawning horror, Tech sees himself in Geralt's shoes. Either way he looks at it, he broke a promise to Jaskier to never leave him behind. One remains abandoned in hell, the other stands to remain abandoned in this world. And while this version of Jaskier hasn't come to a point of feeling he needs Tech in his life more than likely, it still might sting to feel unworthy.

Someone doesn't get a happy ending. Because happy endings are just the dreams of fools. But even so, even so... ]

I think what's most important is that Orpheus didn't look back. Because then he would have missed everything in front of him.

[ Tech glances at Jaskier and then up toward the sky. After a quiet beat, he adds: ]

....but I should still probably go back and get that ring, huh?

[ Because even if he's not trying to look back, that doesn't mean he should forget. Jaskier can't be thrown away like that. If this is the only piece of the past he has, he should carry it forward into the future. Something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue. ]

[Jaskier supposes that it shouldn't really matter one way or another to him if Tech goes back for the ring given that it's not a decision that really impacts him. But he smiles at the question all the same. In fact, Jaskier's smile is almost giddy, threatening to break into a grin when Tech floats the idea that he ought to go back for it. Because yes, to some extent, it is looking back. Inarguably, it's looking back and that should bother him a bit because every time Tech looks back, Jaskier knows he's being compared to some extent or another.]

[But at the same time, it's not really. In its own way, it's still an act of looking forward and saying that whatever future Tech and Jaskier designed for themselves was something worth holding onto. It's hope that can't be taken away even as the grief still lingers. And it's that exact hope that might allow for something else to be here, for a friendship of their own making to be forged that doesn't necessarily need to be ghosted by the Jaskier Tech knew because there's trust that he'll be there again someday. And Jaskier right now doesn't have to be second best.]

It might not be such a bad idea, [he says with a light shrug.] If you want to go back and get it now, I can wait here. Or you can go when it's light out and a bit easier to see.

Either way, it is a rather nice ring, and seems a terrible waste to leave it out here in the elements. [Jaskier repositions himself once more to sit on the log facing towards the fire rather than towards Tech.] I will grant myself that in the future. I clearly maintain my impeccable taste to have spent my coin on a ring as clearly timeless as that. Although...

[Jaskier smacks Tech in the side. It's more playful than it is ever meant to actually hurt.]

That's for calling my doublet stupid earlier. I'm sorry your eyes are failing you in your old age and you can't tell how strikingly handsome I am in it even if it's gotten a bit dirty. [And it has. Between getting knocked unconscious and being lugged off to the cave that the elves had hidden away in, his clothes were in need of a bit of a wash from dust and dirt. He's just grateful he isn't having to figure out how to get blood out of any of it.] But that's no reason to call into question my tastes like that. I mean, have you paid any attention to the embroidery? That I was able to afford any silk embellishments at all is impressive when you consider how little coin I've managed to earn so far, too.

Or is it you are just unsatisfied if clothes don't make that horrid little scratchy noise?

[As if Tech needed the scratchy noise explained or otherwise demonstrated, Jaskier continues his hassling of Tech by replicating the sound he discovered when he was wearing it earlier through a touch to his arm and manipulating the fabric.]

[ He glances over his shoulder toward the dark stretches of woods they'd just come from. The trees guard the path, their sword branches almost barring entry. Eerie. It makes going back alone seem like a dreadful idea. Tech very quickly decides to wait until it's light to get the ring. Maybe he can escort Jaskier to safety and then double back for it. It was his own fault for dropping it. No reason Jaskier needs to walk any more for the sake of Tech's impulsivity.

Tech returns his gaze to Jaskier at the light slap, raising his brows as Jaskier jumps to the defense of his doublet. Brows raise even higher when his own attire is called into question. And once Jaskier starts to manipulate the fabric, Tech finally tugs his sleeve back. ]

It's waterproof. You guys just walk through the rain and moisture getting soaked, whereas this...

[ Tech looks around for some source of water to demonstrate. He leans back and collects a bit of dew from one of the plants beside him, dabbing it against the material of his jacket to showcase how the droplet rolls off with no trace it had even been there. ]

See? Nothing. If it were to rain right now, you would be shit out of luck since you gave me back the jacket. You could've stayed dry, but nooo.

[ He holds up his hands in faux innocence. As though Tech himself hadn't been the one to push Jaskier near the brink of leaving. Tech then leans forward, arms crossing over his knees as he looks at the fire again. ]

But my god. The doublet is awful. I don't know why round puffy sleeves like that was ever a thing, but it didn't look good back then and it sure doesn't look good now. Thank fuck you come to your senses when you're older.

[There's a bit of sputtering from Jaskier as he recoils in offense that exists somewhere between playfulness and absolute seriousness. One thought attempts to be spoken only to be abruptly interrupted by another that is similarly abandoned in favor of yet another. Stopping himself, Jaskier shakes his head furiously, throwing up his hands as though too upset to know where to start and therefore abandoning any defense of his sartorial choices altogether. But his hands slap down onto his thighs and Jaskier is up on his feet.]

First of all, my sleeves are not puffy, [he says, as he steps a couple of paces away.] Unlike some bards that I could name but will not, I'm not so insecure about the width of my shoulders that I feel the need to give the illusion through fabric that I possess broader shoulders.

[As he's talking, Jaskier is rebuttoning his doublet. Up until now, he'd left it completely open which was perhaps not the wisest thing to do as the maze grew progressively colder around him. Unfortunately, by the time he thought to do something about it, the thought of manipulating the buttons with frozen fingers seemed too tall an order. It was far easier to merely pull the fabric together and allow his tightly folded arms to hold it in place instead.]

And while I cannot exactly fault you for failing to attend to any sort of detail considering I haven't been wearing mine properly since we met, you are focusing on the incorrect element. It isn't about the sleeves, you foolish man. [He turns to face Tech, standing between him and the fire now that he's done buttoning it up. Or, well, as far as Jaskier tends to button it. If there's one trend that Jaskier appears to have maintained throughout the years, it's his preference for a V neckline even if it's not yet quite as deep as Tech is accustomed to seeing Jaskier sporting. He takes a moment to adjust his shirt before gently tugging at the bottom hem of his doublet as though to smooth out any folds in the fabric that might have formed.] A well-fitted doublet ought to look like this.

[Jaskier spreads his arms slightly to add to his demonstration for Tech to see that even with a slight amount of puff to the very tops of his sleeves, the doublet itself actually fits quite snugly against Jaskier's form. Even the silk embellishments Jaskier mentioned lend themselves to following his overall silhouette as the top portions of the red vertical stripes running parallel to the line of buttons reveal a soft golden fabric beneath only to narrow and close once more at the same point where Jaskier's torso begins to narrow.]

You really mean to tell me this doesn't look good to you? At all?

[He rests his hands on his hips, fixing Tech with a scrutinizing look as though it would be impossible to get any sort of lie past Jaskier about his opinion.]

[ When Jaskier jumps to the adamant defense of his doublet, Tech's expression takes on a very sarcastic okay, sure sort of air. Tech should tell Jaskier to save his breath because he's preaching to a brick wall here, but he's pretty sure that would make him just all the more adamant about convincing him. So he says nothing through the tirade, only wrinkling his nose a bit when Jaskier puts himself into his line of vision with the now "done up" doublet. As though that's going to change things.

And when Jaskier awaits a response, Tech pauses for way too long. The easiest thing to do would be to lie so Jaskier can drop the topic. But that he paused so long before he speaks doesn't exactly make what he next says all the more convincing. ]

It's...fine.

[ And Tech Boy genuinely gives it a good try to leave it at that, maintains eye contact with Jaskier and everything. But ultimately, he shoots himself in the foot. He can't do it. Lying to Jaskier had never been his strong suit. Hands raise as he gives up. ]

It's not, actually. Still hate it. But whatever, man. You do you. Everyone goes through that awkward fashion phase at some point or another. You're definitely coming to the wrong person about fashion anyway considering how much I saw you sans clothes, and how much I preferred you that way.

[There's a blink when Tech says he still hates it. And when Jaskier is accused of an awkward fashion phase, Jaskier looks mildly taken aback before looking down at himself. Frowning as he looks back up, there's a bit of tension that arises in his shoulders in an instinctive effort to keep from deflating and showing any sign that the comments managed to provoke a reaction at all despite that it's perhaps too little, too late for that. Jaskier's skin isn't exactly brittle, but neither is it particularly thick when he doesn't have as many accomplishments to call upon when feeling even mildly insulted or criticized. So, he's absolutely doing as many his age do by inflating what little they can take pride and confidence in lieu of something a bit more legitimate. And while such a cocksure attitude certainly carries one far until there are genuine accomplishments to take such pride in, any sort of chink in that armor feels more like a gaping hole that one never has any idea what to do with.]

[So, the compliment that follows doesn't land, and unlike the Jaskier Tech knew, there's no turning it into a playful little tease in an attempt to get Tech closer to him again and spark another way to spend the evening aside from just talking. He stands there for a moment, silent as he's grasping at what to possibly say back.]

Yeah, well... [He starts quietly.] I'm not taking fashion advice from someone who looks like they're dressed in a...in a bag. [It's not his best work, but he's a little too flustered to come up with anything better. Jaskier turns away from Tech then, moving a little closer to the fire and sitting down there, feigning that it's because he's cold and not because he's tending to a bruised ego. He tugs at his sleeves a little before drawing his knees closer.] And even if that wasn't pisspoor advice on your part and that was an attempt to see if you could get me to take it off, then you're even worse at that.

[He looks over his shoulder back at Tech.]

For future reference, most people are willing to take their clothes off if you compliment them, not insult them. Especially when you already know someone's put thought into their clothes and not just thrown whatever on.

[Jaskier looks at Tech a moment longer before he turns back towards the fire, resting his chin on his knees. He's sulking. He knows he's sulking. But there's little point in continuing to put up a front about it.]

[ This side of Jaskier is a stark reminder of his age -- the youth in him that's easily let down because for him this is something important. Whereas the Jaskier Tech had known had lived through many terrible, heartbreaking let downs. That Jaskier could accept Tech's lack of acceptance of his attire. Sure, he'd try and sell it -- speak at length about the finery and its details. But it wasn't a hill he would choose to die on. Or...sulk on as is the case here.

Tech blinks when Jaskier calls his outfit a bag and then moves off to the fire. A sigh escapes him and it dawns on him that he should probably correct Jaskier's assumption -- say that it wasn't any sort of attempt to get him out of his clothes and that he's not looking to hook up. Except he realizes it would probably only hurt his bruised ego even more. So Tech thinks for a moment -- what would Jaskier, his Jaskier, do? Well, he probably would have had more tact than to find himself in this situation in the first place, but aside from that. He would have tried to lighten the mood, to back off the topic and inspire something else for the other person to take confidence in.

Slowly, Tech pushes off of the log and walks over to Jaskier, settling beside him -- not too close but companionable. For a little while, he says nothing and lets the fire carry the conversation -- crackling and popping as it licks along the wood. ]

You have nothing to prove.

[ He starts, voice soft and private. Words for Jaskier and Jaskier alone as though the trees were listening. ]

To me, to anyone, to the entire fucking world...this one or yours. If what you're wearing makes you happy, then that's what matters. And I can just fuck off with my opinion. Me and my bag.

[ He cracks a little smile and leans over to gently nudge Jaskier with his shoulder before settling back into place. ]

I don't know what other people wear here. I don't even know if there are other people or whether this entire world is just you and me. But even if there isn't anyone else, you don't gotta seek my approval. Because no matter what you wear, you're still beautiful. Beauty doesn't come from outside. Beauty, real beauty comes from here.

[ His hand moves in to settle on Jaskier's chest, lingering over his heart for a few beats before it retracts into his own space. What Tech said wasn't quite like Jaskier. Jaskier would have been more poetic or tender. He would have said the exact right thing because he would have known the exact right thing to say. Tech could never be Jaskier and Jaskier wouldn't have wanted him to be. But Tech could adopt the traits he admired and apply them to himself -- to be more considerate and compassionate. To be more patient and understanding. To make an effort to lift this man Tech will one day love so much and fill him with the confidence he will find on his own someday. ]

So...

[ Tech could let the heartfelt moment remain there, but there's an ever-present concern about overstepping. Jaskier wanted to be friends, so Tech finishes it off with a bit of friendly teasing -- to ensure the space remains companionable. ]

Buck up, buttercup.

[ There's a playful smile and he leans forward to feed a few more branches into the fire. ]

[Without turning his head, Jaskier glances at Tech in his periphery when he comes to settle on the grass beside him. He knows he should probably make an effort and say something to spurn on better conversation instead of fixating on his bruised ego. That would be the mature thing to do. It's the sort of thing that any bard would do, too. And there's a part of him that wants to the longer the silence continues and it's nothing but the sounds of the forest and the fire in front of them continuing on. It's that exact kind of silence that tends to make Jaskier's skin crawl and he usually feels the impulse to say literally anything to settle himself down once more. But Jaskier doesn't feel that impulse right now and he thinks, honestly, it has very little to do with Tech or what he's said in the end.]

[It's been an incredibly long day. He's tired. It's alright, he tells himself, if he just needs a little more time than usual to get his feet back under him in a conversation.]

[But before he can get all the way there, Tech begins to finally speak. Jaskier doesn't have it in him to look at Tech—not when he's speaking so quietly—but he lifts his head and sits up a little. That seems the least he can do. And despite himself, he smiles a little before Tech even offers one and nudges him. Me and my bag. It's so fucking stupid and he shouldn't be so tempted to laugh or playfully push Tech away. Ultimately, Jaskier does neither, but his efforts to hide his smile are poor at best. And it's only made worse when Tech starts to call him beautiful because gods, what a ridiculous thing to say. It sounds like the sort of thing Jaskier would say if he couldn't get his words in order and were it not for Jaskier's sincerity in saying them, they'd be easily mistaken as a thoughtless line given to countless others before. Because the same is quite true here. Jaskier looks at Tech ready to give him grief for using such a cliche on him, but he's stopped by that look in Tech's eyes when his hand comes to rest over Jaskier's heart.]

[It's nothing all that significant. Jaskier doesn't think that when Tech reaches out for him now that he's looking at someone who isn't actually there. If anything, it feels quite the opposite and that for at least that brief moment in time, Tech is looking at him without a thought of the Jaskier he knew from wherever it is he came from. And that's what gives his words their authenticity in the end and keeps Jaskier from giving him shit about it. It's just a simple look of wanting to make someone feel better without any weight or expectations behind it. So, instead, he crinkles his nose at being told to buck up with the other name of the flower he took his name from without any real offense and seemingly settles back completely once Tech moves to tend to the fire.]

[The truth is, Jaskier is waiting for Tech to finish with the fire rather than being entirely settled into a less intense sulk. Once Tech's fed the flames a bit to ensure they'll continue and settles back into his space, Jaskier immediately grabs onto his jacket and gives Tech a firm yank backward to lie back onto the grass with him.]

You haven't found a constellation yet, [he says matter-of-fact, by way of an explanation for the sudden shift in orientation without looking anywhere else other than the stars. Jaskier lightly fists a hand in Tech's sleeve to be certain he can't sit back up without any sort of impediment seeing as how Jaskier refuses to move right now. It's only then that he turns his head to look at Tech.] And I would say the stars won't be out all night, but...

[With his free hand, he gestures vaguely skyward.]

Well, that would be silly. They won't be out forever though. The sun will come up eventually, and then you'll regret not finding one now when you had the chance and we can't have that. [Jaskier scoots a little closer to Tech so he can point out the stars he put together in his made-up constellation from before.] There's Siren, yeah? Those stars are spoken for, but you've the whole of the night sky as your canvas as it were. [He nudges Tech a little with the hand that's still holding his sleeve.] So, find one.

[ He dusts off his hands and moves back into place, opening his mouth to suggest he go and find some more wood to keep the fire burning longer -- except all that escapes him is a choked sound as Jaskier tugs him back. Suddenly they're together, lying side by side in a way that feels far too intimate. How many movie scenes are there of lovers, gazing up at the stars -- wishing upon a fallen one or watching the world go by? In spite of himself, Tech's heart drums a rapid, staccato beat. He needs to move. He needs to sit back up. He needs to find more wood or Jaskier's ring. Or he has to take a piss.

A thousand excuses at his disposal and his mouth can't form a single one.

Tech doesn't look at Jaskier, but he looks at the hand firmly lodged in his coat -- slippery nylon creasing away from Jaskier's grasp. When Jaskier requests a constellation, Tech's mind is back in the moment with near relief. Because that's his excuse to escape the situation right there, isn't it? He doesn't know the ones in this world and he doesn't have the imagination to make one up. Not to Jaskier's vivid liking. He can escape.

Except.

There's something about Jaskier's insistence to find one that stills his tongue. It's a little more than simply not wanting to disappoint him (although he certainly doesn't want to do that). Jaskier has always tried to test Tech's limits and encourage him to stretch them. While Tech excelled at the practical, he lacked in the creative. But there had to be a time where he had an imagination as well, right? Not simply the technological know-how. He had to be able to imagine the possibilities -- to invent things that had never been heard or even thought of but soon became something people couldn't live without?

Looking back up at the sky reluctantly, he searches. It will still be a long while before he can just make something up out of nowhere, but he could find something reminiscent of something in his reality. Because his reality is just as fantastical as any imagined story. His eyes settle near Jaskier's siren, finding a cluster of stars that are boxy -- akin to the big dipper of his world. ]

There.

[ Tech points it out as he speaks. ]

You see the ones that are kinda rectangular and the four stars right next to it that kinda look like a crank? That's the Speldosa.

[ He settles on the Swedish name for music box if only because it sounds fancier than English. Language and names are important. ]

It's said even though the Speldosa resembles a regular music box this one is special. It came to be after a human boy wished with all his might for a music box that could create music rather than play only what it was programmed to play. So, it decided to live in the night sky and stayed there for both the boy's sake and the sake of others who thought they lost their inspiration. All they had to do was come out at night, look up at the Speldosa and it would gift them a tune to turn into a masterpiece.

[ He glances over at Jaskier very briefly and then averts his gaze to settle on his smooth jawline. It lowers entirely before flicking back up at the sky. ]

It's also said if you ever lose your way, all you have to find the Speldosa and you can find your way home. Lucky us, huh?

[While largely quite impatient, Jaskier is capable of summoning patience ever now and again. He puts it to use here, still keeping a gentle hold on Tech's sleeve even when it's apparent that it's not necessary, but otherwise looking back to the sky and remaining quiet. Jaskier's head only moves closer to Tech's shoulder as he's pointing to follow the line of his arm better and spot the correct stars. As Tech tells the story of the music box, despite its simplicity and brevity, he has Jaskier's rapt attention. Jaskier shifts his head away from Tech's shoulder to better look at him partway through his explanation. When their eyes meet, his fingers curl a little tighter and then loosen again in Tech's sleeve, and for one breathless moment...]

[But Tech looks away again. He looks at the night sky instead of Jaskier, and Jaskier lingers in that moment for just a little while after it passes. And when he can't any longer, he finds himself wanting. He wants the moment back. He wants Tech to look at him like that again. Even if it's so brief it almost comes across as a little shy, he's at least looking at Jaskier again. And Jaskier can't even say why that means so much to him that Tech looks at him like that. It shouldn't mean anything, realistically speaking. It's nothing like Jaskier imagines Tech would look at him if he were older and Jaskier loved him the way he will someday. It's just looking at him. Nothing more. Nothing less. But it stirs something within Jaskier all the same. And for that small fragment of a moment, all the stories Jaskier's heard throughout his life start to fill his head with fanciful notions and a brilliant daydream that if Tech just looks at him long enough... And then it passes and there's little more than a glow of embers left in its wake.]

[Jaskier hums his quiet agreement. They are quite lucky, he thinks. Even if it's far from ideal for either of them, it's still something that they found each other in this world. But the daydream has been lifted and the story Tech tells... Jaskier wakes and realizes it's not about them. Not as they are. The inspiration and creation of music, it's not for Jaskier. The promise of home certainly isn't either. Not now. Not yet. Orpheus looked back to Eurydice.]

[Jaskier's hand comes to rest somewhat awkwardly only his own stomach, having started to move it when there was the foolish, faint hope that he might turn Tech's gaze back to him. But he knows even if he were to bring that hand to Tech's cheek and turn him to look at Jaskier, it would only leave the both of them disappointed. Jaskier looks back up at the sky, releasing Tech's sleeve finally and then he's still a moment. But then the back of that hand finds the back of Tech's hand. With a questioning glance to Tech out of the corner of his eye, he moves his hand a bit more, turning it over slowly to cover Tech's hand. The touch is so gentle that even as Jaskier attempts to interlace their fingers, he's anticipating Tech taking his hand away so much so that the slightest motion away and Jaskier's hand will join his other on his stomach as quickly as possible.]

That's quite the music box, [he says, finally breaking the small bit of silence that had followed his hum of agreement.] Although it seems a bit sad to me that the music box ended up in the sky like that. Perhaps it's able to connect with people and provide them with the inspiration and guidance they need, but it still seems a bit lonely to be in the night sky like that all on its own and so far removed from everyone. Even by its own choice.

[ While a part of what he said was a nod to his relationship of the past, he's not saddened -- not brought to some great melancholy. Because it was looking back, but also looking forward. He made a deliberate choice to use present tense. Find the music box and you can find your way home. All he and Jaskier had to do was find each other, and home would follow. Maybe this Jaskier doesn't know it yet, but hopefully he someday would. Home doesn't have to be a place of romance and passion. Home is safety, security and stability. Home is protection. And Tech knows he'd go to as many great lengths to protect Jaskier here as he would in Penance.

Maybe even more to protect and preserve all that is good, all that might be chased away by heartache and torture and death.

As Tech's gaze lingers on the entirely made up constellation, though, he starts at Jaskier's touch. It's slight, barely there. And yet the fire has moved from where it burns in the sky trillions of miles away or even from the pit in front of them -- to the very hand Jaskier ghosts a touch over.

Pull away.

Logic pleads, but his hand is anchored.

Move your hand and fucking pull AWAY.

But he doesn't. Instead, Jaskier's fingers invite his to dance and his turn ever so slightly to accommodate. What harm is there to hold his hand? His impulses whisper in tandem with loneliness. It's not necessarily giving Jaskier the wrong idea, is it? Is it? Well, he supposes that all depends on what the idea is. It's clear this Jaskier can't and shouldn't be expected to carry on the legacy of his older counterpart. He's much too young to be saddled with that baggage. But this isn't Jaskier trying to. This is him finding his own way, following this thread of fate to stake out something for himself. And he should be allowed to find that -- to not be met by the rejection Tech tried at the beginning of this. These small, intimate beats are theirs and will only help Jaskier to boost his confidence when they meet whoever this world has to offer and Jaskier can find someone better than Tech to spend his nights with. And for now?

For now, there's a sunrise to see.

Tech doesn't look back at Jaskier once their hands are laced, choosing to keep his eyes on the sky and let the action speak for itself -- giving the tiniest squeeze of assurance. After Jaskier's remark, Tech shakes his head with a hint of a smile. ]

I think it's fine. Just being up there allowed to be what it is and serve as an inspiration? It's enough. It's more than it ever thought it'd get to do in its lifetime.

[ His tongue traces his lips and he points toward Jaskier's siren. ]

Besides, how can the Speldosa be lonely when it has the Siren to keep it company? On those nights where it's too cold or too cloudy to see the people below, I hear they make some beautiful duets. And they might even play a song like this...

[ Tech doesn't sing. He certainly would not subject himself to Jaskier's judgement, but he does take the thumb of the hand holding Jaskier's and use the pad of it to trace a measure on Jaskier's palm. As musically clever as Jaskier is, Tech is sure he would be able to visualize the notes in his head as Tech 'writes' them. One single measure, the lines of the staff, the key signature, the time and four notes. The four note start of the song he and Jaskier started writing together in Lucifer's mansion -- a piece they continued to work on together and perfect even months later until it was left unfinished. But maybe it wasn't meant to be finished in Penance. Maybe it was meant to be finished here.

Or maybe Jaskier will simply think Tech is tracing nonsense on his palm.

But no matter, these same four notes don't have to take the same shape as they did before. It's up to Jaskier to decide where the song goes from here. ]

[He tries not to smile at all when there is that light squeeze of his hand, but Jaskier is so rarely ever successful at stifling any of his emotions in their expression. It's something he readily chalks up to being a poet because, after all, how else is one to be a poet if not often subject to the whims of their passions? So, in the end, it's more a matter of not smiling at all and simply trying to keep the smile reasonable. Jaskier has a touch more success at that.]

[He comes to rest his head on Tech's shoulder again and he tells himself it's just so he can better see Speldosa and Siren. And when his other hand moves from his stomach to slip in the space between Tech's arm and side, it's just because his hand is cold.]

[Jaskier's brow furrows a little at first when Tech begins tracing on his palm, but by the time Tech draws the key signature, he pieces it together quickly that he's writing a measure of music. Closing his eyes so he can focus while Tech notes the time and begins placing down the notes.]

[In Penance, Jaskier took the paper, drawing it closer to himself so he could scribble down the possibilities for himself in the corner of the paper, and began experimenting with his variations until he was satisfied. But here, there's no paper for Jaskier to experiment with. He has only his voice to experiment with. Jaskier hums the four notes a few times, a finger gently tapping on Tech's shoulder to keep time, until he finally begins to build upon it. Each variation gets a few repetitions of their own before he loops back to the first of Tech's notes whereupon there's a quiet rejection of it with a murmured no, no or simply a hum of discontent. But Jaskier finds what he likes eventually, which he lets Tech know by mirroring tracing the notes on Tech's palm as he hums the next segment of the phrase they're building together.]

[It's not the same as what Jaskier chose before when they wrote the song the first time. It's not even one of the possibilities Jaskier had come up with while Tech remained nestled close and watching his process. And yet, with as familiar as Tech is with Jaskier's music be it the small musical phrases Jaskier left him as little love notes or the finished products Jaskier performed each night at the hotel bar, it's not something that would be all that difficult to imagine the Jaskier he knew writing in a different song perhaps. Young as Jaskier is, he's still just as gifted and while perhaps unearned, just as confident in his talents. He just needs time for others to see it. To not dismiss his ambition as a foolish dream or view his passion for life as a hindrance and naivety.]

[Jaskier opens his eyes again with a pleased, proud smile that's near-grin for having found something to follow Tech's measure.]

[ It's cold, Tech rationalizes. That's why Jaskier's moving so close. It's cold and made even colder by lying on the ground without anything to insulate them from the dirt. The fire is close and it helps, but not enough. Naturally Jaskier would be drawn to anyone to keep warm. And so, Tech's doing him a favor by allowing him in -- protecting him from the elements as he holds his hand and lets him rest his head so close to his. That Tech is swallowing hard has little to do with any swell of nervousness. That his heart beats faster has nothing to do their closeness. It's just...he's cold too, alright?

But any thoughts about their position leave him as soon as Jaskier catches on and hums the notes in the invisible measure -- giving the melody life. Jaskier truly is a prodigy. Tech doubts most would have caught on that those tender trailing touches were a measure -- let alone be able to visualize the precise tune with absolute perfect pitch. But Jaskier does. He does and he remembers, stores it in his mind to refer back. Even as he builds on it, works the tune and makes it his own, he's able to loop back to Tech's first notes and repeat them without missing a single one. It's incredible to see his musical ingenuity at work and to know he had it even so young. It's no surprise he'll grow up to be famous one day. He's the exact sort of person record labels would have eaten up -- fighting each other to sign as young as possible and try to put their mark on him as a brand. It's made all the more impressive considering Jaskier acquired the fame on his own in a world without instant communication -- where all music had to be heard live and in person and ones reputation was only as good as others word of mouth.

After working through the phrase like only a mildly difficult math problem, Jaskier returns to Tech with a solution. Unlike math, though, there is no one right answer. Jaskier's response is a new take on the song, different from the one he'll write in the future. And it still fits well in spite of the deviation. A new melody. When Jaskier finishes tracing the notes, Tech visualizes it easily. Then, he playfully loops his thumb around Jaskier's to guide it back to the invisible measure he'd written on Tech's palm and cause it to make a sideways V for a crescendo. Because this song is very clearly building to something more.

Tech doesn't write the next phrase, though. This is only a beginning. How could they write an entire story in a single night? So his hand settles back into a relaxed position and he flashes a brief smile at Jaskier. ]

Yeah. A little something like that. So if we listen real closely another night, we'll be able to catch the rest. Rumor has it you can hear things a little clearer around a waterfall. Because, um...they have to play louder to be heard and all.

[ And clearly not because Tech would like to go to a waterfall at night -- if this place had one. He's certain it must. With its fantastical elements, a waterfall is classic fairy tale vibes. And cheesy as it is, seeing the beauty nature had to offer would serve as a reminder this is not hell. ]

[Although Jaskier feels foolish for it, he feels a little disappointed when there isn't a subsequent musical phrase and Tech's hand simply settles back into his. Not that he isn't satisfied with simply holding his hand, of course. That's also nice in a different way. But it'd felt like the start of a game. It seemed something simple that wasn't reliant on the past or the future, and they could easily keep it going all night long. Plus, it satisfied a little competitive streak in Jaskier, too. Even if there really wasn't any competition to be spoken of with it, it was still an opportunity to show off his talents and it's rare for Jaskier to pass upon such an opportunity.]

[But the disappointment is ameliorated by the implied promise of another night and made all the quieter by his silly little excuse for wanting to see a waterfall. He doesn't let on that he can see what a flimsy excuse it is though. Jaskier's not certain exactly how teasing about that might land for Tech less because of any perceived fragility in their current rapport and more because Jaskier remembers what Tech said earlier about the world he was in before. Miserable as it probably was to find himself in a frosty hedge maze right now, it probably felt fantastic to Tech to see even the remnants of greenery or to feel the grass beneath him, never mind to have such a seemingly endless starry sky right now.]

Well, [Jaskier rolls over onto his side, having the dual effect of nestling in a bit closer and allowing Jaskier to more properly use Tech's shoulder as a pillow. It is with all the confidence in the world that Jaskier says,] As it so happens, I've heard they're also quite clear in meadows and valleys. That's why the grass always grows the tallest there and there are so many flowers.

[He knows that in a sense, that's a bit forward. Tech implied another night, sure, but Jaskier is now implying another night sometime in the much more distant future, too. After all, unless there's some powerful magic at play in this place, Jaskier can't imagine there will be flowers in full bloom for months yet to come. But even if Jaskier can't promise Tech the love Tech wants from a Jaskier that isn't here, he was entirely serious about not having Tech be some sort of fringe element in his life and so easily forgotten in favor of another.]

[ And I realized two things in that moment, he would later write in his recounting of their meeting -- in the leather bound notebook addressed to the Jaskier he had known. One.

Tech pulls a breath in when Jaskier shifts to his side, more of his body pressed against Tech's. An immediate warmth comes to his skin and he forgets how to exhale. It's a dangerous thing to have Jaskier so close. Tech squarely keeps his eyes locked on the sky, fixated on a point of nothing because if he looks over at Jaskier -- if they share a breath...

If this moment could have replaced my first brush with love, my life would have been much better for it. If we were meeting for the first time with you so young, so optimistic and carefree and reckless -- you would have been my perfect match. There was so much you could have taught me and so much we could have learned together. It would have been beautiful. ]

Yeah. That's the beauty of having the sky as your stage. So many different spots get a great vantage point at different times of the year. We only know a few. Imagine all the ones we can find?

[ There's faint amusement on his face as he turns his gaze toward Jaskier. A mistake. Blue eyes meet blue and the amusement drains away like simultaneously being plunged into cold water and somehow still heated from within. Two. The spark between them is undeniable. The spark, though, isn't the problem.

No matter how much I know I need to look forward. No matter how much I knew that was what this version of you needed me to do, I just can't. I can't forget what you and I had. I can't look at you and see anything other than what I had known of you and us and our time in hell. In the original story, Orpheus looks back and dooms Eurydice. But in OUR story, if I look forward, will I lose you forever? So in that moment...

Tech lingers in Jaskier's gaze, eyes veering to his lips.

I chose you.

He snaps his gaze away and inches back abruptly -- not fully detangling himself from Jaskier. His shoulder is still there as a pillow and his hand still lingers within Jaskier's grasp -- but his head is as far out of reach as possible. Finally, he remembers how to exhale and the breath comes out shakily. ]

I-I should probably find more wood. For the fire. It's gonna burn out if we don't keep it fed.

[♫]

[Even with the low light provided from the stars above and the fire nearby, Jaskier would have to be blind to not see the way Tech's gaze drifts. And gods, he hates the way his heart skips a beat. And he tries, he tries so hard to snuff the spark of hope and want that rises from that flutter. Everything in him tells him that he ought to not have the pleading thought of "kiss me, kiss me" at that tug he feels to meet Tech halfway. But before anything happens, Tech's gaze tears away and he moves out of reach, and Jaskier feels the cold slap of reality settle in.]

[He tucks his chin a little closer to his own chest, turning his face away completely from Tech in an attempt to hide any potential disappointment in his expression while seemingly just making an effort to remain cozy and warm. Not that he thinks the average person would ever detect so much as a trace of it. His smile hasn't gone anywhere after all. But he feels a warmth in his face that wasn't there before and came about as he realized how heavily the disappointment settled in his chest, smothering the flutter that had been there just a moment ago. And Tech simply isn't the average person even if he's not known Jaskier as he is now for very long. Who knows what sorts of little tells he might have noticed remain the same regardless of Jaskier's age?]

We? [he hears himself say with a teasing tone he doesn't feel.] If you don't keep it fed, you mean. That's your job, not mine.

[Jaskier doesn't know who he resents more right now. Part of him yearns for ignorance. At least then, he would have been able to know Tech's kiss with a freedom he'll never have now. When Tech pulled away, he could have smoothly roped him back in and brought their lips together and... Part of him also wishes he had met Tech first, not the man he isn't yet and realistically, Jaskier can't even guarantee that he will someday be. Then this could be his, be theirs, and there wouldn't be this ghost haunting every glance, every touch. There wouldn't be a question that Tech is looking at his lips and wanting to kiss him, and there wouldn't be a thought that Tech wants him to be someone else. Part of him kicks himself for ever suggesting that they ought to be or could be friends, clearly not thinking through just how difficult it could end up being because Tech can't stop seeing someone who isn't there and Jaskier can't help how quickly and easily he's wrapped up in fantasy. He should have known that he would want the story to be his and no amount of rational acknowledgment that it's not would temper that to any great extent. Jaskier can't help but think it would have been better if he hadn't given in, if he hadn't sought even a small place within the narrative, and he'd left when he meant to. Let Tech contend with his loss and grief on his own and then who knows what might have come next? But what might have come could have been nothing and Jaskier felt that too terrible a thing.]

[So, here they are.]

Well, come on then! [he says with a playful shove, releasing his hold on Tech entirely in doing so, nudging him incessantly until Tech's either sat up or been forced by all Jaskier's pushing to be out of reach.] Hop to it before I get cold! Because I can promise you right now that if I get ill because you let the fire die, I'm absolutely making it your problem. I'll expect all the delicious soups and wonderful lullabies I would get from my mother, and you had best be prepared to tell me exceptional stories while I'm stuck laying about, feeling miserable, too.

[Whatever his feelings, Jaskier's expression remains bright and his tone is playful. There's no disappointment. No resentment. No longing. It means he's pretending a bit. Or. Well. More than a bit. But even with all that discomfort that comes from those feelings, Jaskier knows what he wants. Much as he knows it would have been the wiser thing to have left and stayed away, and the kinder thing would have been to remain ignorant, none of that is what he wants in the end. He wants to stay. He wants a place in the story. And even if it seems so likely that it will end with his own heartbreak, he thinks, it's still worth it. It's worth knowing someone who will someday love him even if he can't right now. It's worth helping that person hold onto hope and love, and not think the end of the story is here simply because things aren't as he wanted them to be. So, if that's all Jaskier is to be, just a reminder, then so be it. He can live with that.]

[ He had to have noticed. They were too close. Jaskier had to have known what he'd been denied, what dangled like a carrot just out of reach. There's a horrible knot of guilt twisting Tech's lungs. He wants to apologize or say something to explain himself. When his mouth opens, there's no air for the words. And yet Jaskier still smiles. He still bursts forth with a tease. And the tease continues with exuberance as Jaskier starts pushing Tech. Maybe Tech's imagining it, that all those shoves and all that insistence has a double meaning -- that Jaskier's pushing Tech away not because of this silly fire excuse but so that he can reclaim his own space. What he will do in that space, Tech's not sure. Feel humiliated? Disappointed? Upset? Angry?

It's surprising, young as he is, that Jaskier hasn't turned those emotions outward. He's being very careful to continue to smile, to act as though he never noticed Tech's wandering eyes. And it's Tech who can't offer him the same mercy as he looks over at Jaskier in a mix of confusion and regret and apology. It's all there, about to escape in some jumbled nonsense word that starts as a sound and dies as a frustrated breath. Jaskier doesn't want to hear it. Because nothing Tech could say would make this any better. So in the end, he says nothing. He takes the damn hint and finds his own space, getting up to his feet and dusting himself off.

It's always so lonely in his own space. ]

Yeah, no. I don't sing. You'd probably wish for the sweet release of death if I were to try singing you a lullaby.

[ But he did sing once. For Jaskier in Penance. He sang to him because when he was with Jaskier, there was music in his heart. But only once. Only ever once. His fingers itch for piano keys because music was the only thing that could maybe make this right. And then, he remembers the relic.

Tech pulls it out quickly. He opens it up and connects to its internet. He finds a version of Bach's Prelude in C on piano, the song he very first played for Jaskier -- the thing that allowed them to find their music together, the magic thread that wove the entirety of their relationship. Jaskier found music within technology and sang a wistful song. Tech's thumb hovers over the play button with hope on the verge of his expression -- hope for that same magic, that same music. And then the hope crumbles as another realization dawns. Jaskier hasn't even written the song he sang for Tech back then, let alone had enough years to be able to sing it in a reminiscent, nostalgic way.

Tech closes the video without ever hitting play. Instead, he turns on the flashlight feature -- illuminating the ground before him. ]

But yeah. Um....yeah. I won't be long. Maybe you can get some sleep?

[ He shrugs off his jacket and then lays it out on the ground. It's not much of a barrier between the frozen earth and a body, but it's something. Probably more useful there than it would be as a fashion statement in Jaskier's eyes. ]

I can wake you up when the sun rises.

[Jaskier continues to pretend like he doesn't see because to some extent, Tech is right. He doesn't want to hear it. As much as it means to him that Tech wants to try and make some sort of repair with a word of explanation or apology—silly as it is that it means anything at all to him that Tech wants to try—Jaskier still doesn't want to hear it. Hearing it really only confirms what Jaskier already knows, what he's suspected. Instead, he snorts with a bubble of laughter at Tech's personal critique of his own singing, shaking his head.]

Nonsense. As much as it might pain me to admit since this means a certain bard from Cidaris can perhaps carry a tune every now and again, everyone has a beautiful voice if they're singing the right song. You just haven't found yours yet is all, [he says, propping himself up on an elbow as Tech fidgets with the relic. He doesn't dare suggest they find it together, leaving it there and simply watching him in quiet. Jaskier hasn't a clue what Tech is doing or that there was ever even the chance to have been music at that moment. In the end, all he can assume is that Tech needed a moment to figure the device out and find the light he was clearly searching for. There's a questioning look when Tech begins to shrug off his jacket that's cleared up the moment Tech lays it out. Glancing over at the fire, he looks at Tech again and the words almost make it out before he thinks better of it. Then he thinks of it again as he scoots over onto the jacket laid out for him, and ultimately Jaskier decides fuck it.] The ring's on the stump, Tech. Should be easy enough to find.

[Jaskier is all of eighteen years old. He's spent most of his life in comfort whether it's within his family estate or the walls of Oxenfurt. Whatever he's wanted has never been a want, and what he's been denied or lost have always been things he's been able to either find a way around or recover from easily enough. He's begun forging lifelong friendships, but he doesn't fully understand the weight or meaning of them. His sights are set on his ambitions, but he's only taken the first few steps toward making any of them a reality. So, really, there ought to perhaps be no weight behind the look he gives Tech when he tells him where to find the ring. He ought to look like a child pretending as though he knows exactly what he's doing, which to some extent is how he feels. But Jaskier has never been quite as foolish as he can often seem on the surface and that brief look before he finishes settling down is proof of that.]

[The look he gives Tech is not grave, but it is serious nonetheless. The sort that says he doesn't want any sort of argument because what he's saying isn't a request or a suggestion. Because he still doesn't want to hear it. He doesn't want to hear the clarifications or the apologies or whatever the hell else might come out of Tech's mouth to try and smooth whatever it is he thinks he's done wrong even if he's arguably done nothing at all. He wants Tech to do the right thing. By the Jaskier he knows. The one he loves. That means more than anything else he might say.]

[And in that very next second, Jaskier settles himself down, tucking an arm beneath his head as he looks up at the stars again. He might fall asleep on his own. He might not. Jaskier doesn't really know what it will be, especially if that deeper chill returns when Tech steps away. But he'd rather not watch him go. He'd rather look at the stars or close his eyes and just trust that when he looks for Tech again, he'll have returned as some sort of proof for Jaskier that he isn't wrong and he's right about his place in this story.]

[ It's clear from the way he wrinkles his nose that Tech doesn't believe Jaskier's kindness about everyone having a right song. But he doesn't address it -- doesn't argue or protest. It's a comment he leaves where it is because something much heavier follows. There's a gravity in what Jaskier next says. A weight that twists in Tech's throat, heavy and sinking and dragging his heart with it. This isn't a gravity Jaskier puts there, but it's one Tech imagines. Because Tech knows, doesn't he? He knows what it is to not be chosen. ]

Julian...

[ Not Jaskier. Not even Jules. It's not a name Tech often used for Jaskier unless he was irritated. Then it was Julian Alfred Pankratz! But this is something for a Jaskier he's only met -- a Jaskier who had spent more of his life as Julian, who tried to do anything he could to shed that name. Because if he and Jaskier are supposed to be home of some sort, then Julian is likely a name preserved for home.

But after saying Jaskier's name, no other words can be found. An apology shrivels on his tongue and dies in his throat. The way Jaskier has settled onto the jacket puts a finality to the moment. It's not to be questioned. And Tech lingers with uncertain guilt before he finally turns to head back in the direction he came.

So I left and the chill came with me, gnawing down to the fucking bone. But I stayed on the path and found your ring exactly where he said it would be -- perched carefully on the stump, frost clinging to the edges. I picked it up. It felt so fucking heavy in my hands. And I sat with this heaviness until the frost melted, clinging to it so hard I was sure the engravings would find a permanent place on my skin. How can I be expected to move on from this perfect thing we had?

"No one is telling you to move on, love," I could imagine you saying in that gentle, honey sweet voice of yours. I could almost feel the warmth of your hand touching my chest. "I'm not gone, Tech. I'm right here. I always and forever will be right here."

And in that moment, as the tears started to fall and left frozen trails on my cheeks, I hated you a little bit. I hated your optimism. I hated knowing you were right. I hated that no matter how perfectly I could remember all of your details and quirks and mannerisms, I couldn't feel your arms around me right then. I could only imagine wherever you were, you were probably dealing with this far better than me. I've always been the messy one of our relationship. (Emotionally speaking. We all know who was the neat one in terms of keeping things tidy and organized!)

But after a while of sitting in this painful place, I started to feel an urgent pull to get back to the version of you I foolishly left behind. I could even imagine you chiding me to 'get my head out of my arse' and how you would be 'quite cross' with me if I allowed your past self to freeze to death right there. Maybe it was the magic of this place. Maybe it's genuinely what you would have told me. But either way, I was reminded how delicate and mortal you are. And if the chilled winds took the fire with it, you had no protection.

Wiping the moisture away from my face, I pocketed your ring, collected as much fallen wood as my arms could carry, and rushed back to where I left you -- the closer I got, the warmer it became.

Tech emerges in the clearing once again, moving swiftly toward the fire where he piles the wood and gently blows on the ash to breath life anew into the lowering flames. Then, he turns and spares a glance toward Jaskier -- curled up on his coat. Maybe he's sleeping. Maybe he's not. But Tech drops beside him, sparing a glance over at Jaskier's back. And then, Tech lies on his side -- tentatively reaching out and inviting Jaskier into his arms. He leans up to brush a soft kiss to the rounded vertebrae at the base of Jaskier's neck, hoping lips could warm the chilled skin.

Tech draws back, a sheen of tears in his eyes, and he burrows his face into the space between Jaskier's shoulders. It's not the same. It will never be the same. But this is all he has left of the man he loved so dearly, so Tech clings to it in his heartache. And if Jaskier doesn't interrupt, this is the way he'll remain until the sky starts to lighten and the birds (actual birds) start to sing their dawn chorus. ]

[The chill begins to settle in once more the further away Tech walks from Jaskier. And for a time, Jaskier attempts to pay it very little mind because it's not a terrible sign. It means that Tech is doing as Jaskier told him and going back for that ring. So, Jaskier tells himself that for that alone, he can tolerate the cold for as long as he must.]

[Of course, that's much easier said than done. Jaskier's breath starts to come out in puffs the lower the temperature drops, and the little nearby fire doesn't feel like it's enough after a while. Involuntary shivers eventually set in and it's then that he can't simply ignore it anymore. It's gotten absolutely frigid in Tech's absence and Jaskier doesn't know quite what to do. He could get up in search of wood himself and tend to the fire, try to give it a little more life, and keep it going a bit longer. That would be the smart thing to do, he thinks. But as cold as it's gotten, he doesn't feel much like moving once he's rolled over onto his side, folding his arms and tucking his hands beneath them. He manages to summon up the energy to rub his legs together a little in an attempt to bring a bit of warmth to them as well, but it does little to help. Jaskier just curls up tighter, torn between wanting to sleep and thinking it's best he tries to keep himself awake all while wondering what exactly is taking so long. Did Tech get lost on the way there? On the way back? Similar to the temptation of tending to the fire, Jaskier feels the temptation to get up and look for Tech again, but...]

[He should wait here. Jaskier knows he won't be able to find which way Tech went let alone find his way back to that stump where he abandoned the ring. And that would be far, far worse. He would definitely freeze to illness at a minimum on his own. He'll wait. He'll wait.]

[Eventually, that patience is paid off. It's subtle and slow enough that Jaskier thinks he's just gotten to the point where he's so cold, he can't really tell it's still cold anymore. But then he hears a footfall in the near distance followed by more and he knows Tech is coming back. It's not just his imagination. It's getting warmer the closer Tech makes it back to the fire, and the shivering subsides in its own time. And it's warmer still as Tech tends to the fire, breathing it back into fuller life.]

[Jaskier stays where he is when Tech comes beside him, although every instinct wants to press immediately against him for warmth if nothing else. Words cannot express the gratitude and relief he feels when Tech's arms come to wrap around him. He's about to try as much, drawing breath to speak now that some of the tension from curling so tight against the cold has left him, but the words die before they can reach his lips when he feels Tech's press against the base of his neck. Jaskier lets the breath go slowly, mimicking the same breath that would come about if he were fast asleep, uncertain of what to make of the kiss when it seems so unlikely that it should be for him right now. Why else would Tech do it if he didn't feel Jaskier was already sound asleep and unaware of his surroundings?]

[And he is, eventually, fast asleep. Jaskier just couldn't say when it happens. For all he knew, he laid there for an hour, maybe more, pretending to be sound asleep for... Well, he wasn't entirely certain if it was for his sake to remain selfishly held so preciously, or if it was for Tech's sake to let him feel something more than just his grief. But it could have just as well been only mere minutes before sleep took him. But regardless, he sleeps peacefully, too bone tired for any semblance of sleep-talking or moving about in his sleep as he normally does.]

[It only adds to his reluctance to wake when morning does come. Without opening his eyes, Jaskier whines at being disturbed from his sleep as he always does. Jaskier burrows his face in Tech's chest. Were he not so groggy upon waking, it could be forgiven in accusing him of intentionally tangling one of his legs up with Tech's, but it's about as intentional and conscious of an action as lightly fisting some of Tech's shirt in his hand ends up being. Jaskier mumbles a protest that arguably didn't contain any sounds that could pass as recognizable words, but his grip relaxes with a pleased sigh that trails off into a hum. Eventually, there's another sigh before he sleepily asks,]

Did we miss it?

[He doesn't move from where he's nestled into Tech.]

[ Tech remains oblivious that Jaskier was awake for any period of time since he started to hold him, assuming if he was he would have said something or at the least started when Tech touched him out of nowhere. So they linger largely in silence. Tech listens to the steady sound of Jaskier's breath when it shifts from wake to sleep and doesn't much change. He sleeps quietly. Tech has been around Jaskier enough to know this is a sign of true exhaustion -- an exhaustion so deep even the nightmares can't get him.

Tech doesn't sleep, of course. He can't. Things are normal again and he's back to not needing to rest. But also he wouldn't. This is a new world and one of them should stay awake in case some hidden danger beyond the cold makes itself known within this maze. It doesn't, though. Absolutely nothing disturbs them. Not a hungry wolf nor even a hunting owl in the woods. It's only with the morning bird chorus that Jaskier starts to awaken.

Tech laughs softly at the question and the groggy way Jaskier does just about everything -- including (and not limited to) the tangling of limbs with his. Tech should discourage it, but with the sunrise on the figurative and almost literal horizon, he's sure the position will amend itself. It's funny, though. He's called Jaskier a songbird since the second time they ever spoke, yet Jaskier has never been an early riser. Whereas birds awaken every day with enthusiasm and vibrancy. They sing to the sun because a new day has begun and for that moment, tucked in their hollows and nests, they're alive and together and that's worth celebrating. ]

Not yet.

[ Tech answers Jaskier's question finally. ]

But if you don't get up, we will!

[ And that's when Tech gently draws back from Jaskier to slowly clamber to his feet, dusting the grass and dirt away from his pants. He leaves the jacket on the ground, however, until Jaskier's ready to get up from it. In the meantime, Tech stretches moving past the dying embers of their fire to look up at a tree in contemplation. Would it be too ambitious to climb up like one of those birds? Perch up high to get a brilliant view and sing his own inner chorus in celebration of being alive and together?

Who is he kidding? He doesn't have any upper body strength. ]

C'mon, c'mon, Jul~i~an! We gotta find a good spot!

[ He heads back toward Jaskier, grabbing him by the arm and attempting to drag him to his feet. Time is of the essence! The sun will start to peek over the mountains and they'll miss the best part! ]

[There's a whined, wordless protest when Tech begins to disentangle himself from Jaskier. The hand that was resting nearby Jaskier's head on Tech tries to take hold of his shirt again in an attempt to get him to stay, but it's too little too late. Fingers catch on fabric, but not enough to make any sort of meaningful grip. Jaskier lets out a displeased groan where he ends up on the ground (because he refused to make any motion to make Tech leaving him easier and therefore, he refused to sit up) and stays exactly as he "falls." Well. Almost. As Tech is stretching and taking in their surroundings in the morning, Jaskier curls his arm underneath his head and lets his eyes fall shut again.]

[It's definitely not as nice as when Tech was acting as his pillow, but Jaskier is willing to make do.]

[That is until there's a persistent call for him to wake up. Jaskier furrows his brow without opening his eyes, curling into a tighter ball in protest and waving the hand not currently substituting as Tech.]

I'm up, I'm up. [Jaskier says this, of course, while being very much not up. But his arm is caught and there's a tug to haul him up, and Jaskier has to admit defeat whether he wants to or not.] Alright, alright! I'm awake...

[Jaskier reaches out with his other hand albeit somewhat blindly despite finally opening his eyes. Minimal efforts are being put into actually getting up through his own energy or will right now, but if Tech is willing to do the work... Jaskier at least has the courtesy not to be complete and utter dead weight when Tech gives him another tug up. Jaskier doesn't immediately let go of Tech once he's finally on his feet. He can't when he immediately yawns. Not that he needs Tech for balance so much as he mentally cannot fathom doing more than one thing at a time right now. The yawn ends with a soft noise and leaves his vision a little blurred. Only then does he let go of Tech to rub the sleep from his eyes. Slowly, he looks over at Tech, still rubbing at one eye.]

You're awful. Making me stand first thing in the morning...

[Normally, there would be more words and theatrics accompanying that, but Jaskier's not yet awake enough for all that. The proof was in the follow-up yawn that comes after. Smaller than the first, but still leaves him blinking rapidly afterward.]

Awful, [he repeats with a sniff, folding his arms tightly around himself. He's not trying to sulk—it's quite possible he couldn't if he tried—he's just immediately colder off the spot they warmed all night. Even if it's the cold hard ground, he'd much rather be there than upright right now.]

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twatter - 2022-12-28 14:55 (UTC) - Expand

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