I don't think it's wrong. It's okay to have complex or conflicting feelings about things.

[He hugs John a little closer, surprised into silence for once. 'Backup boyfriend' really does describe it, and he's weirdly never heard it put so succinctly. He won't even argue that it wasn't accurate for their respective situations, because it was.]

It's good to love him, dude. I hope that part never changes, because losing your best friend sucks ass.

[He falls quiet, just holding John close as he overthinks everything for a moment.]

I would be lying if I said that I didn't feel kinda like someone just said, 'hey, your problem went away!' right now. Like now my friends can't give me shit, my anxiety is lessened, and I don't have to worry about the consequences of inevitably punching a Strider in the face.

But I do feel bad, also. Like I don't deserve this.