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July 2022 Test Drive Meme
JULY 2022 TDM
INTRODUCTION
Welcome to Folkmore's monthly Test Drive Meme! Please feel free to test drive any and all characters regardless of your intent to apply or whether you have an invite or not.
All TDMs are game canon. You can choose to have your TDM thread be your introduction thread upon acceptance or start fresh. Each TDM will provide a scenario for how characters arrive in-game that particular month.
Playing TDMs will allow characters to immediately obtain canon items from homes especially weapons or other things they may have had on their person when they were pulled from their worlds! There will always be a prompt that provides some sort of "reward" to characters who complete certain tasks.
Current players are allowed to have in-game characters react to TDMs via the Network or make a log with the prompts. Current players are always encouraged to tag new people on the TDM!
TDM threads can be used for spoon spending at any time by characters accepted into the game.
Content Warnings: Unwanted romantic/sexual attention from a monster, optional sexual themes, optional monster fights, giant insects in 'accidents' prompt.
YOU'RE THE ONE I WANT
I HATE ACCIDENTS, EXCEPT...
YOU'RE THE ONE I WANT
Folkmore has many lakes and streams. You wake up suddenly beside one, the world coming into sharp focus the moment you do. It's sunny, and the sounds and sights are warmly nostalgic for the very idea of summer.
You can sit and relax a while. Maybe lounge in the shade. Let your mind drift, and relax. There's a few people around, some still sleeping and some awakening the same as you, but it's far from crowded here.
Suddenly a shadow falls over you. You turn and are greeted by a monster: it looks sort of like an avocado covered in kelp, with oversized hands and a huge mouth. It also looks like it's entirely made of rubber - even its eyes appear to be only painted on.
This monster waves its arms threateningly. “Gaaaaah!” it says. Its voice is muffled. “Gaahhhhhhhhh!”
Somehow this creature is a lot faster than it looks, and the next thing you know it has enfolded you in its embrace.
“You will be Greg’s bride!” the monster shouts, regardless of your gender identification. It looks at whoever happens to be in your general vicinity. “Who this?”
Struggling, you realise that Greg is stronger than any creature you’ve ever encountered before. You can’t seem to get it to let go of you, and it's rocking against you in such a way that it makes a sound like the soles of sneakers on a gym floor. On the plus side, it doesn’t have any genitals that you can see, so at least it’s not as bad as it could be? Still, desperate times call for desperate measures! “That’s my partner!” you claim before you can think about how stupid an idea that is.
“You bride? PROVE IT!"
Oh shit. Now you’re stuck - you and whatever innocent bystander you've dragged into this have to convince Greg that you're a couple! You could admit to something true about love or intimacy under the guise of it being about the other; Greg’s lie detecting abilities are good enough to call you out on untruths, but not good enough to know who you’re talking about.
Or you could just start making out, I guess. Whatever works.
If you're a terrible actor, Greg will abduct you and pull you beneath the water. You better hope your fake partner will try to rescue you!
If you manage to convince him that you're a couple, he will shed a tear from his unblinking eyes before either slinking away or flying into a murderous rage.
If you choose to fight Greg, either in the water or on land, you will find that he's pretty tough for a rubber monster. Any blows to his back or sides will land harmlessly, and the kelp on his body may grab whatever you hit him with. And that big goofy mouth of his hides rows of deathly sharp fangs!
However you get rid of Greg, once he's gone you will find a trunk shaped like a koi fish. Open it and you will find some canon items from home. Clothes or weapons, maybe. Lucky you!
I HATE ACCIDENTS, EXCEPT...
You don't necessarily have to complete the One I Want prompt to find these koi trunks! They seem to be dotted around Folkmore and you might find them just by virtue of exploration! The trunks seem to mysteriously know who is opening them so you won't find someone else's stuff by accident. There are also some unenchanted weapons sticking out of the ground in random places: basic swords, guns, shields, etc. They have no magic, but they're usable!
But be warned: the second you take one of these weapons, you'll have to use it.
As soon as you have pulled a weapon from the ground, a high whining buzz sounds, swelling in volume as somethings come barreling out of the sky at you. They are short humanoid creatures about three feet tall with the heads and wings of cicadas. They are also wearing human clothes - what sort depends on what part of Folkmore you're in. If you're in Wintermute they might be wearing cute sweaters, but if you're in Cruel Summer they might be dressed like your suburban dad on summer vacation. How cute! Except they have very sharp talons and the sound they make can incapacitate you. Better take them down fast!
Or run even faster.
Content Warnings: Mood altering substances, optional alcohol use, optional suggestive themes.
I LIKE SHINY THINGS
IN DIRTY DREAMS
I LIKE SHINY THINGS
Summer isn't all about getting bitten by mosquitoes out at the lake, or sweating your way up a mountain in uncomfortable hiking boots. For the less outdoorsy types, there's still plenty of fun to be had... and all within walking distance of an air conditioner when the weather gets too humid. Close to Epiphany, there appears a gem of a spa, nestled comfortably by a beautiful waterfall. The lobby is spacious and cool, with a distinctly mid-century modern sensibility. The gentleman working the front desk wears a crisp suit of burnt orange with a small golden fox pin on his lapel. He is more than happy to direct you to any of the spa amenities.
There are massage tables, hot tubs, and steam rooms. You can get yourself a manicure, pedicure, or facial. There's a full salon for anything you might want to do to your hair - maybe it's time for a kicky summer 'do? Any kind of pampering you're after, you can find it here! If you need to lie down, there are even some hotel rooms on the upper levels that you can rest in.
There is also a tea room - all soft pinks and sage greens, with plush chairs in sets of two or more around small round tables. You will be seated with someone else, as the tea room is designed to encourage conversation. The waiters in this delightful space are all flamingos - they move around the room with a sort of gangly grace, carrying trays on their backs or with their beaks. Unconventional, but they seem to have no problem understanding people's orders. Speaking of, what's on the menu? Seems every kind of tea has a different effect...
Black tea hypes you UP! Who wants to stay sitting around with a bunch of birds?! Let's go party!
Green tea brings a sense of great peace and mental clarity. You will find it easy to talk about emotional subjects without being overcome with feelings.
Oolong tea calms you and relaxes you deeply. You might even find yourself nodding off!
Milk tea inspires feelings of affection - whoever you're sitting with now seems like they could be your new best friend. (Or more?)
Spending time in the tea room really does encourage you to open up to other people one way or another, and all the other spa activities tend to put people in the mood to open up a little bit.
IN DIRTY DREAMS
If you tire of such relaxing pursuits but you still don't fancy wandering off into the woods, you could always poke around behind the spa, where there is a smaller separate building. If you listen you can hear loud music playing, carried faintly on the summer wind. Some kind of party? Why not check it out? Okay, so there's a big old 'STAFF ONLY' sign on the side of the building, but you could just wander in and come up with an excuse if someone spots you. Or sneak in through the bathroom window or something if you're that worried.
Once inside it becomes apparent that this building functions as a private club for the spa staff. The interior is dark and wood paneled, lit only by some old hanging lights with warm bulbs. At the far end is a bar, and beyond that the glow of a small kitchen. A few tables are scattered along the walls, but the bulk of the long room is taken up by a dancefloor.
And boy oh boy are people getting down.
The music is so loud that you don't have to be able to hear to feel the beat - it pounds through the floorboards like a pulse. It's a compelling rhythm that urges you to join the throng. Even if you lack any and all natural grace, the urge to dance is strong enough that you can cast off your reluctance. You can even find yourself a dance partner, although you might want to keep it a little more G-rated than some of the couples around.
If you tire, you can hit the bar. The bartender isn't checking any IDs, considering they think everyone present is a staff member. Just don't blow your cover!
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What is gone is gone, and all that remains is to ensure that what is left is not put through more pain.
The question, when it finally comes, seems to startle him. His eyes widen a little, fixed on Kaeya's face, then his expression softens. Ah. Of course. He should have expected it.]
It was beautiful. [Dainsleif says softly.] A wonder of pure human perseverence and ingenuity. The gardens and streets glowed with luminescence, with the life brought forth by alchemy and magic, and the technological advancements were like nothing Teyvat had ever seen. At its height, Khaenri'ah was a marvel.
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He nods once, considering the questions swirling in his mind. As a captain of Mondstadt there are things he could confirm here and now. But he doesn’t want to. Instead he says,] So they lit the city. What places in it were your favorites?
The clan only spoke of the nation as a whole. They taught me music, writing, language, and food. But, never specifics. Other than history. [He was to retain culture. Not, the knowledge of the locations within the nation itself.]
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[And he is just as unable to answer Kaeya as he was that person, but he does at least seem to try to think of a response before he speaks. His brow furrows slightly, his gaze fixed sharp and keen on the edge of his cup as he holds it half-lifted to take a sip.]
But... I don't recall details like that any longer. [He can remember the cruel things. The way the centre of the main city looked as it burned to the ground. The feeling of the acrid smoke in his lungs. The heat. The screaming. He can remember that, as well as he can remember the ancient stories of Teyvat that he was told as a young child, but can he recall a single garden, a fountain, a library, anywhere he might have liked to spend time as an adult when he wasn't at his post..?
No.]
Whether because of the curse or simply a side-effect of an unnaturally long life, I don't remember anything like that. There are a great many things I have forgotten.
[He would have liked to have been able to answer - to give the young man some information to fill in the gaps.] If your clan was that diligent, you may well know more than I do.
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But after a minute passes he continues,] It was the one piece of knowledge that was never said in detail. I think it had to do with their sorrows. Which is understandable. I would feel that way if Mondstadt was lost.
What they taught me over and over was this. [He sits up a little straighter and recites,] ‘Though we could not restore Khaeri’ah to life, we of the Alberich clan should lead lives that blaze like fire, rather than those who wallow in the embers.’
[He pauses, then decides to add.] So you are aware, I told Diluc everything. He has shared none of it with anyone.
Even if I hadn’t he would know anyway. Familiars can form mental bonds with legends. We decided to do it after I was controlled by the spirit so we could watch each other.
[He couldn’t hide the fondness in his voice about it if he tried. Diluc means a great deal to him. To have that bond means more than he realizes or is ready to see.]
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Yet it doesn't surprise him to hear it.
What surprises him more is that Kaeya has shared everything with Diluc, but then... why should he not? It would be up to him to decide who to trust, and who else could be trusted more than someone he had been raised up alongside? Dainsleif keeps much to himself but that is only partly through a sense of necessity. These days, he simply has no one around him that he could tell.]
I see. [His expression softens slightly when he hears that clear fondness. He remembers what it's like to feel that way for someone. To have that tone in your voice when you speak about them whether you realise it or not. Having someone you can trust and rely on completely is a precious thing.]
The Alberichs were passing down wisdom with those words. Khaenri'ah is gone, its cities burned and its bloodlines broken, but for those that remain... [Halfdan's words come back to him. He lowers his eyes.]
As long as one of its people still stands... Khaenri'ah did not fall. Its legacy remains in us, Kaeya Alberich, and we should guard it in such a way that it cannot be twisted for the machinations of those who would use it to do harm. [He barely realises that he has shifted forwards in his seat as he says this. That he has placed his cup down and is lightly gripping the edge of the table with one hand. He startles slightly, noting the intensity of his own voice, and carefully sinks back into the chair.
He looks tired.]
But that is my mission, not yours. I would not seek to place such a responsibility on your shoulders. [A sigh.] I apologise. Recent events have left me... raw to these kinds of discussions.
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And their last try…he picks up his drink. His time as a captain of Mondstadt has served him well.] There is nothing to apologize for. Consider me someone you can speak freely with. However, tell me of recent events. I was supposed to go to the Chasm with our Spark knight.
I haven’t yet heard from the Traveler about what happened there.
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But the Chasm..? Ah, maybe it was better that he wasn't there.]
Well, considering the Traveller is not here to tell you what happened, I suppose it falls to me to sate your curiosity. [But how much to tell him? There are certain things no one needs to know about what happened down there, but the whole story may not make as much sense if those details are lacking.
He starts simply. The discovery of the inverted, ancient ruins. How he had unexpectedly come across the Traveller there, and explored together with them. The discovery of the fountain and why the hilichurls were gravitating to that place, and the Black Serpent Knights who guarded them... still carrying out their final orders from Dainsleif himself. He keeps more personal details to himself, for now. Halfdan, and the memory-vision that the Traveller had had of their sibling.]
But the Abyss Order were there, as would only be expected. [His cup is half empty by then, the drink inside cooled to lukewarm. He tips it idly side to side and watches the liquid move.] They were planning to utilise the properties of the fountain to attempt to lift Khaenri'ahs curse. Their attempts failed, and brought me to the state you see me in now.
[Dainsleif smiles faintly, wryly, as he says that.]
I know you've noticed.
[He's a sharp lad.]
Suffice it to say that their plans were ended there, but I have no doubts that they will try again.
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So, if that is one of their objectives. …the princess, who is that exactly? And what was their aim with Dvalin?
[He narrows his eye as he crosses his arms over his chest. He signals to the waiter to bring them more tea while he lays out the problem in his mind.]
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He shakes his head and utters a soft word of thanks to the order for more tea. Despite his overall discomfort he can't deny it's pleasant to just sit and do nothing for a little while.]
As for their princess... then you don't know. [Dainsleif isn't sure it's his place to say it, but...
The man sighs.]
Kaeya, the princess is Aether's sister.
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Of course she is. I had my suspicions. But, hoped otherwise.
[He drops his hand and knocks back the rest of his tea as if it were liquor. He has his questions now that is confirmed. And he would love his real journals and dossiers that are currently tucked away in his flat in Mondstadt inside a hidden space under the floor boards of his bedroom. He sets the empty cup down as the server brings them a teapot with a warming plate and sets it on their table.
Kaeya pours for both of them.] I am not so convinced it was about turning the people against Barbatos. But it was about destruction and hatred. Possibly about weakening Barbatos so even if he were to speak about the past to warn others. He couldn’t. That’s my speculation. For all we know they could be trying to access the places he sealed away and this is a first step.
[Barbatos was there. He has secrets and knowledge they may want quieted. Kaeya scrubs at his face.] While I doubt any of the clan is involved. I have to make sure.
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He sits up a little straighter as Kaeya pours them both another cup, and a faintly wry smile flickers across his face.]
Despite my ample experience, I'm willing to accept alternate viewpoints on the motivations of the Abyss Order. [Granted, he has been pursuing them from various angles for five centuries... but their activities lately have been focused in a way that he isn't used to seeing. Perhaps Kaeya has a point. He will take it under some consideration.] But when it comes to the Alberichs in any attempts to revive the homeland... I don't believe they're involved. If they are, they're being very quiet about it.
[His attention goes back to his tea.]
No, this is being driven by their princess. [Then his voice lowers and he closes his eyes.] Foolish girl... she always was too sentimental.
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But it is my duty to make sure none of them are part of this. Grieving people sometimes do irrational things. I will be careful. I don’t want them to uproot themselves out of their lives to fight a war against sentimental fools. [He smiles into his cup but it doesn’t reach his eye. He sighs and leans back.] But thank you for confirming my and Diluc’s suspicions that whoever the ‘princess’ was was driving the Abyss Order. Not hard to see.
But it is obvious they are seeking and gathering resources for something. They are focused in a way that bespoke of a greater plan.
An alarming plan.
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When Kaeya finishes speaking, Dainsleif is quiet for a minute. He taps the tip of his forefinger against the side of his cup.]
An alarming plan. Hmph. It may be worse than you realise.
[He hasn't spoken of this to anyone else and only the Traveller knows of it due to their involvement. Spreading word of the true plans of the Abyss Order would achieve nothing but panic in the general population, with most of them being unable or ill-equipped to do anything about it.]
The Abyss Order are attempting to rewrite Fate itself with their actions. Bringing about the renewal of Khaenri'ah is only a part of it. [The man presses his lips together. He looks pained for a moment, but it passes.] I have no love for the gods and archons of Teyvat, but the Abyss Order's hatred of them surpasses anything I would be capable of feeling.
[Dainsleif shakes his head.]
It would be a mistake to call it simple sentimentality. Or to think them fools. But I'm sure you know that. If they are able to follow through with their plans the dominating machinations of the Cryo Archon and her forces will pale in comparison. Which is why I cannot be here, when I-- [Ugh...]
I suppose railing against it is pointless.
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[He sweeps his hand out as he grins, a feral bearing of teeth. Like a wolf in the woods that has spotted prey.]
I do like being a little more obviously the wolf in Mondstadt. And if you're a legend, having flight... I imagine that could be very useful to you.
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[Some people might eagerly accept the prospect of being able to fly. Dainsleif, though, looks like he finds the entire idea to be an insult or at the very least an imposition. He shakes his head, frowning slightly.]
It's just another god imposing drastic changes on my body without my consent. I don't care for it, I don't like it, and I shan't thank her.
[Given his history it is perhaps not surprising that Dainsleif would have such an attitude towards his body being altered. Particularly by a god - or something calling itself a god.] As for what use I can gain from it, that will remain to be seen. I won't write off being able to turn it to my advantage.
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But as you said, turning it to my advantage is exactly what I plan to do. …and I’ll help you any way I can. In this place where we have to do what Adventurers do, I suppose.
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But he sighs. He's still hurting from the events in the Chasm, and as much as he's trying to ensure it isn't too noticeable...]
If you're looking to help me right now, I could use a safe place to rest. [It's the first time he's made anything like a real admittance that he's struggling, but he expects Kaeya has long since noticed already.] Adventuring is the furthest thing from my mind at the moment.
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But there are others. Treehouses. Snowy retreats…
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I have no intentions of taking up a permanent residence. [The idea is one he immediately balks at - having any kind of 'home' isn't something he wants here, and it isn't something he's had in Teyvat for five centuries.]
Anywhere I might find a room for a day or two will suffice. There's no need for anything more than that.
[Better than finding some dark and quiet cave to hole up in, which had been his initial plan when he had parted ways with the Traveller.] Domesticity doesn't suit me.
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There is a place not far from this tea shop. And where I live there are places to stay for a day or two not far from the local markets. I’m usually in the market closest to our home usually every day. A good place to listen and learn things.
[He smiles at that. He is not always in human shape when he wanders the market. It’s a good training ground for a wolf nose.]
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He brings a hand up to touch his mask, adjusting it minutely while they make their way back out onto the street.]
Anywhere will do. I'll trust your recommendation.
[Be that something close by or something close to where Kaeya lives, he really doesn't mind. He doesn't have much energy left for decision-making.] But if I have to stand much longer I will not make it anywhere on my own two feet, and I would prefer to be spared that indignity.