[Ah, but they're clearly being judged by the people who have the keys to this library's doors!]

If what you did is considered weakness, then yeah. You could paint it as weakness, sure. There's just a half-dozen words that come to mind faster than "weakness" does.

[He gestures in no particularly specific way.]

Frustration. Desperation. Loneliness. Boredom. Anger.

[He huffs a sour laugh as he references a passing comment from earlier in the conversation:]

"Chasing my own tail."